Why Run Away: A Personal Journey of Survival and Escape
The decision to run away from home is often driven by complex and sometimes dangerous situations. Throughout history, many individuals have found themselves in such dire circumstances that the only option seems to be to flee, seeking safety and a chance at a better life. This journey, chronicled here, offers insights into the reasons behind running away and the impact it can have on one's life.
Early Escape: From Poverty and Neglect
Especially in my younger years, I found myself caught in a web of poverty and neglect. My mother, at home with four children and no financial support from my biological father, faced an uphill battle to provide for us all. When I was thirteen, I made the difficult decision to leave home, hoping to avoid the trouble that seemed to follow, and to get away from the siblings I felt were increasingly involved in unsavory activities.
I convinced my mother to let me move in with my father for a period, an arrangement that did not last. He struggled with mental health issues, and I quickly realized I could not stay with him any longer. Eventually, I found a loving family where I could live and work to help them, and ultimately, I graduated high school and joined the Marine Corps, where I thrived.
Running Away from Abuse and Violence
At a much earlier age, ten years old, I was forced into a situation of abuse and fear. Two profoundly violent and alcoholic parents created an atmosphere that made it almost impossible to survive. At one point, my stepfather tried to assault my mother, knocking out her front teeth and seriously injuring her with a high heel. I witnessed this, terrifying and helpless. To make matters worse, my mother's behavior was equally concerning—she was erratic and violent, which made it impossible for me to feel safe in my own home.
My escape was a necessary yet painful one. I left a letter behind and rode away on my bicycle, finding my older brother and returning home with a difficult truth forced upon me by my mother's misguided parenting.
A Loyal Heart and Internal Struggle
My journey toward running away was not purely out of hate or fear, but also driven by a desire to protect my heart from further damage. Despite the abuse and neglect, the thought of being abandoned by my family was more terrifying. The internal struggle to find freedom and safety weighed heavily on me. I considered running away at a younger age but was deterred by feelings of Stockholm syndrome, a phenomenon where victims become excessively loyal to their abusers, making escape mentally challenging.
A Childhood of Anguish and Resilience
My childhood was marred by domestic abuse, and as a child, I had no choice but to endure it. The early signs of abuse were present, even in seemingly trivial matters like a peer's father removing her earrings. However, as a teenager, I turned to Project Runaway, a hotline that promised a way out. The reality was harsh, and my mother's discovery of the hotline led to a week of punishment and intimidation. This led me to spiral into depression, where I attempted suicide multiple times, each time grappling with the logic of why I should continue to exist.
The abuse and the feeling of being trapped defined my early years, but I learned to cope through running away. In my absence, I found solace in certain substances, leading to further health issues. The pain was almost unbearable, both physically and emotionally, but it was a small price to pay for the possibility of a better life.
Conclusion: Running away is often a survival mechanism, a desperate act of reclaiming oneself from the clutches of abuse and neglect. It is a personal journey that is deeply entwined with the harsh realities of childhood, resilience, and the fight for a better future.