Why I Avoid Dating Sites and Opt for Real-World Connections

I understand why many people ask questions about not using dating sites. My journey to abandoning such platforms started because I was not achieving results, and I now endorse a mindset of 'Stay single until you are respected, valued, and appreciated.' This article delves into the reasons behind this decision and offers insights from my personal experience.

A Closer Look at Dating Sites

Dating sites are not a fast food service where you can quickly get what you want. Rather, they demand effort and patience. Additionally, the majority of messages you receive are from scammers, especially on free sites. These scammers, often referred to as 'catfish,' employ various tactics to deceive users.

Scammers on Dating Sites: A Reality Check

Scammers on dating sites are widespread and can be quite cunning. Many of them are based in different countries, making it challenging to verify their claims. Scammers often list themselves as being in the United States but respond with poor English, revealing their true location. Some common excuses they use include being business people, military personnel, or caretakers, but in reality, they are trying to scam you. Out of 20 messages, you are likely to receive 17 such false communications. It's wise to be prepared and cautious.

Setting Clear Boundaries: A Key to Success

To avoid heartaches and disappointing encounters, it's essential to have a clear idea of what you want in a partner. Illustrious figures like Prince Charming from Disney movies are mere fairy tales; we must face reality. Here are some specific boundaries I set during my dating journey:

Political Affiliation: I would not date a Trump supporter. Racial and Religious Prejudices: If someone believed President Obama was born in another place or was a Muslim, I would not engage. Gun Ownership: I would not date individuals who owned guns or believed they should be able to possess them. Respect for Women: If someone referred to women as 'bitches' and 'hoes,' I would not continue the conversation. Desire for Independence: I was okay being alone, but it would be nicer to have someone to share things with. No Desperation: I would not date someone who seemed desperate. No Excessive Drinking: No drinking excessively or using drugs. No Attachment: No men who were attached to other women.

By setting these boundaries, I was able to filter out potential matches and avoid future complications. These boundaries allowed me to prioritize respect and compatibility over other factors.

Efficiency is Key: Meet in Person Early

Long back-and-forth emails are not productive if you are genuinely seeking a meaningful relationship. According to my experience, you should aim to meet a potential partner within two or three emails. This approach not only saves time but also helps in identifying scammers and insignificant matches early on.

A Dutch meeting where you both pay for your own coffee can be a good start. This scenario helps to ease any awkwardness and provides a natural opportunity to assess physical attraction. If there is no physical attraction, it's better to be honest about it and offer a friendly relationship instead of pursuing a deeper connection.

Updating Your Profile Picture

Your profile picture is a crucial element in presenting yourself accurately to potential matches. Using old or less flattering pictures can come across as dishonest. It's essential to update your profile picture regularly to reflect who you are today.

No Expectations, More Realism

Another piece of advice is to approach each potential match with no expectations. Expecting immediate chemistry can lead to disappointment. By maintaining a mindset of meeting new people each time, you are less likely to feel let down if the connection doesn't materialize.

Dating is a process that requires effort and time. If you are willing to invest in finding the right partner, you will find that meaningful connections are possible. My experience has shown that by being cautious and realistic, you can find the perfect match and a fulfilling relationship.