Why Do I Want to Feel More Pain When I'm Already in Emotional Pain: Understanding the Pain-Body

Emotional pain can be so arduous that individuals often experience physical pain alongside it. Sometimes, the intensity of emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that individuals may even seek out physical pain as a means to numb or express this distress. This section explores the reasons behind this behavior and introduces the concept of a pain-body, a phenomenon often observed in individuals who struggle with emotional pain.

The Connection Between Emotional and Physical Pain

When faced with profound emotional pain that feels unending, some individuals might resort to physical pain to gain a sense of control or impact. The reasoning is often that while emotional pain seems insurmountable, physical pain offers a tangible, albeit deeply harmful, alternative. The thought process might be: If I can control the pain by inflicting it on myself, it will give me a form of agency in a situation where I feel powerless. Moreover, the relief from emotional suffering is often fleeting, replaced by the overwhelming physical pain that distracts from the internal turmoil.

Understanding the Pain-Body

If you are experiencing a strong desire to feel more pain, you might be carrying what is known as an emotional “pain-body,” a concept introduced by Dawson Church. The pain-body refers to the accumulation of emotional energy that gets stored in the body and manifests as intense emotional pain. When this energy ‘wakes up,’ it influences your thoughts and behaviors, often causing you to generate even more emotional energy to sustain itself.

During these times, you may feel a dark presence over you, influencing your thinking and actions. The pain-body’s purpose is to replenish itself by consuming the emotional energy you produce. Once it is satiated, it might “sleep” again and wait for the next opportunity to re-awaken. It is important to recognize that this is not something you want; rather, it is an involuntary response driven by the pain-body.

Personal Story

I can only speak from my own experience as a teenager who had to navigate a highly abusive and emotionally traumatic household. I lived in an environment that seemed perfect from the outside but was far from it. My parents, though seemingly ideal, were abusive and created an atmosphere of fear and despair. The pain-body within me manifested through self-harm as a way to reclaim some control and momentarily relieve the emotional pain.

Physical and emotional abuse from my father, along with the expectation to maintain perfect grades and appearances, led me to engage in cutting and burning. This behavior allowed me to create a sense of control and temporary relief by generating endorphins. The physical pain overshadowed the emotional pain, providing a fleeting sense of euphoria and release.

Conclusion

While it is natural to seek relief from intense emotional pain, understanding the role of the pain-body can provide insight into these behaviors. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it might be helpful to seek support from mental health professionals or trusted individuals who can help you address the root causes of your emotional pain. Breaking free from the influence of a pain-body is a journey of self-discovery and healing, and it is essential to prioritize your well-being.