Why Avoiding Funerals Can Be a Healthy Choice
Funerals are often seen as rites of respect and remembrance, yet for many, attending them can feel like a daunting task. Is it bad that you avoid attending funerals? In this article, we will explore why dysfunctional and unnecessary these events can be, and how choosing to skip them can be a healthier and more meaningful way to honor the deceased.
No Clear Middle Ground: Personal and Societal Views
Deciding whether to attend a funeral or not is rarely a middle ground issue. Those who attend all funerals might look down on the idea of skipping them, yet those who practice a no-funeral-policy often find admiration from others. The cultural norm in the U.S. is heavily influenced by the fear of what people will say, but this doesn't mean it's a necessary or healthy practice.
Funerals as Over-The-Top Extravagances
In America, funerals are often more like a Sunday picnic or barbecue event, as opposed to a solemn remembrance of the deceased. This expectation can lead to a set of unwritten rules that can feel oppressive. For example, relatives often expect you to attend and if you don't, they may start sending guilt-shaming texts or even visiting your doorstep to express their disappointment.
Take, for instance, the infamous funeral of Eric Carr. Paul Stanley summed up the sentiment perfectly, calling it 'morbid and ghastly.' Standing by a casket and holding a deceased person’s hand or playing with their hair is not a healthy or respectful approach to a solemn event. Many are willing to pay between $7,000 to $12,000 for a funeral home to embalm, cosmeticize, and prepare a body for viewing, essentially treating it like an expensive garage sale of the deceased’s belongings.
Ways to Honor the Deceased Without a Funeral
The legal procedures for an alternative burial can be simple and dignified. Opting to keep the body yourself and bury it in a way that feels natural and meaningful is a choice that respects both the living and the deceased. You can legally wrap a loved one in a blanket and have a private burial, even by a willow tree. A graveyard, in essence, is a mere waste disposal site for bodies, and many find the traditional funeral industrial complex to be outdated and emotionally draining.
The Experience of Funerals: A Personal Journey
Attending funerals in my state of the U.S. has often felt more like a burden than a tribute to the deceased. Jokes, goofy behavior, and a willingness to embrace attention-seeking behavior from certain relatives at the funeral home can detract from the solemnity of the event. Other countries may have different funeral practices, but the experience I've had in the U.S. has often left me feeling that I could have done without it.
Issues of inheritance and possessions can further complicate the situation. Family disputes over the deceased's belongings can often arise, leading to conflicts, especially when the deceased has a lot of material possessions.
Beyond the logistical and emotional stress, the perception of the deceased in different realms is often confusing. Speaking to the deceased in a grave and simultaneously hoping they are not in hell adds an air of absurdity to the experience. This can be emotionally exhausting, leading many to favor the avoidance of such events.
Conclusion
It's not bad to avoid funerals. Cultural and societal pressures may make it seem like a rejection, but choosing not to attend can be a healthier and more meaningful way to honor the deceased. By exploring alternative methods, such as private burials, you can find a way to grieve and remember one's loved ones that is both personal and respectful.