Unveiling Your True Self: A Practical Guide for 22-Year-Olds

Exploring and understanding oneself can be a challenging but deeply rewarding journey, especially during crucial periods of one's life, such as the late teenage years or early twenties. At 22, it's natural to feel unsure and to question the path you've chosen. This guide provides a structured approach to self-exploration, helping you navigate your thoughts and emotions to uncover your true self.

The Art of Identifying Life Events

To begin your journey, it’s essential to recognize that all our thoughts and feelings stem from the events we experience in life. These events can be as simple as lying at home or as complex as having a heated argument with a friend. The first step in self-exploration is to identify these events accurately.

Let’s take a hypothetical example. A recent graduate named Alex is facing a dilemma. Alex is expected to join a company as per their parents’ wishes, despite Alex’s true passion lying elsewhere. Here’s how Alex can break down this event:

Event Example:

After graduation, I made an unintended choice to take a job I don’t like. Now I’m increasingly dissatisfied with my work but my parents and friends all say my current job is great, leaving me unsure of what to do.

This simplified summary removes all personal emotions, focusing on the 100% factual occurrence. After writing it down, read it three times to ensure no assumptions or exaggerations have crept in.

Analyzing Emotions: A Deeper Dive

The next step involves analyzing the emotions triggered by these events. Emotions should be detailed and not simplified to just 'good' or 'bad'. Identifying the source of each emotion helps in understanding the underlying issues.

For example:

Disappointment with oneself – not performing well at the current job Anxiety – fear of messing up the job Depression – constantly doing something I dislike, feeling no joy Resentment – why can’t my friends and family see my pain Loneliness – my pain feels like something only I understand, it feels like a battle I’m fighting alone.

This detailed breakdown can be emotionally taxing but is crucial in understanding the root causes of your feelings.

Write down as many emotions as possible and their sources to gain clarity. This process might not be easy at first, but regular practice will make it easier over time.

Analyzing Behaviors: A Mirror to Your Actions

After identifying the emotions, the next step is to analyze the behaviors of all the people involved, especially your own. This involves reflecting on what actions you and others took in the situation.

For Alex, this would look like:

Behavior: Alex continuously endures going into the company despite not wanting to, not liking the current life, and never expressing this to their parents or friends. Parents’ behavior: Imposing expectations on Alex, wanting Alex to live the life they consider good, and bragging about Alex's life to relatives and friends. Friends’ behavior: Simply admiring Alex and never asking if Alex is truly happy.

This step helps in recognizing the roles different people play in your life and how they contribute to your current situation. It also highlights the importance of communication and understanding in resolving conflicts.

Identifying and Acting on Needs

The final step is to determine what you want and need. Many people struggle with clarity in their desires. Systematically analyzing what you need for yourself and others can help in making informed decisions.

For Alex, the needs might include:

Desire to express thoughts clearly and start over with a passion project. Need for parents to stop bragging and imposing expectations and instead support Alex in pursuing interests. Desire for friends to listen to troubles and express genuine concern.

Once needs are identified, finding practical ways to fulfill them is the next step. Sometimes fulfilling these needs is crucial, while in other cases, simply acknowledging them can provide relief. This process might also require setting realistic goals and accepting some things as unachievable.

Four Steps to Self-Exploration:

Identify the factual part of the event. Identify all the emotions experienced during the event. Write down the actions of all the people involved in the event. Analyze your needs.

This process requires ongoing practice. Don’t get discouraged; take it slow and gradually find clarity for yourself.

Through these steps, you can navigate the complexities of your life and explore the depth of your true self. Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and who knows, it might just lead you to a fulfilling and authentic life.