Unspoken Fantasies: A Daydreamer's Struggle with Inner Villainy
Every now and then, our minds wander into realms unknown, teasing us with whispers of darker desires and forbidden fantasies. For me, it started with a peculiar daydream about becoming a super villain and launching a doomsday rocket. This alter ego keeps surfacing in my mind, which is a bit disturbing because it interferes with reality.
The Birth of a Fantasy
I've always been captivated by the secret agent/Bond villain theme. This fascination was reinforced during my adolescence when I discovered the video game Evil Genius. The game's plot, which is centered around the creation and launch of a doomsday device, became my personal fantasy. To this day, I still find myself getting excited when playing the final mission, particularly when I initiate the countdown and launch the rocket with a secret agent strapped to it. It's a dark indulgence, but one that brings me a peculiar joy.
A Double Life
My mind is a relentless creator, producing multiple characters and plots every day. This constant stream of creativity can be a blessing and a curse. While it’s wonderful to imagine and write intriguing stories, it often hinders my ability to focus on my primary job in the IT industry. During business meetings, I find myself drifting off into the lives of my characters and their potential adventures. It’s a problem as I need to concentrate on my work, but the fantasies are so vivid and compelling.
The Dichotomy
There's a stark contrast between my professional and personal life. On the outside, I am a woman, a mother, and a spouse. Yet, in my mind, I constantly think and act as a male character. This dual existence can be quite unbearable. The inner villain I daydream about often makes it difficult for me to fully embrace my real-life roles.
Attached to a Character
One particular character of mine holds a special place in my heart. I’ve created fan art of him, as seen here: [Insert Fan Art Image]. Despite the fact that he's not suitable for a wider audience, I still cherish the time and effort I’ve invested in him. However, the saddest part is that I will never show these books to the world because they won't sell. It feels like a waste of time writing about a character who is too niche for the market. Instead, I could be focusing on stories that actually have a chance to reach readers.
Conclusion
Daydreaming about inner villains has become a complex aspect of my creative process, often making it challenging to balance my professional and personal life. While it’s intriguing and compelling, it also distracts me from my real-world responsibilities. Understanding and managing these fantasies is crucial for maintaining a balanced life.