Understanding the Treatment of Parents by Narcissistic Adult Children

The treatment of parents by narcissistic adult children can be complex and often varies widely depending on the individual personality and patterns of both the child and parent. This article explores the typical behaviors of these adult children and the psychological foundations that drive their actions.

Patterns of Treatment

Narcissistic adult children often treat their parents with a dismissive attitude or in a yo-yo fashion, much like how they treat others. Parents, in this scenario, are just as likely to be taken for granted as any other person in their life. This dismissive behavior can shift back and forth, creating an unpredictable and tumultuous relationship.

Many narcissistic adult children are labeled as the 'golden child,' a term often reserved for those who are seen as special or favored by the parents. In many cases, the golden child is a product of narcissistic parents themselves, who may favor one child over siblings, even if it is not done intentionally. This favoritism can create a sense of entitlement in the golden child, leading to a lack of consequences for their behavior.

The Psychological Foundations

The golden child often operates with a sense of carte blanche, knowing that they can do as they please without facing repercussions. Their actions are driven by the desire to be seen as the perfect reflection of their narcissistic parents. This creates a cycle where the golden child feels validated in their behavior, while still receiving support and love from their parents.

However, it's important to note that not all narcissistic adult children exhibit the same patterns. Some may be poorly treated, especially when they do not meet the idealized standards set by their parents. For example, an adult child might provide financial support to poorly performing, non-employed parents, or subtly manipulate family dynamics.

Separation and Validation Issues

Narcissistic adult children often struggle with separation and validation issues. They have a deep-seated fear that their own parents might abandon them, leading to a dependency on constant validation. This can manifest in behaviors that are both loving and hating. They might seek excessive attention and validation from parents while simultaneously pushing boundaries and acting out.

Their emotional swings and need for constant reassurance can be seen as they range from being as young as 6-7 years old, asking for help, to even adults in their 30s and 40s, feeling abandoned and seeking a parent's assistance. This constant need for reassurance can create a rollercoaster for both the parent and the child, leading to a difficult and often strained relationship.

Consequences and Lessons Learned

Stories abound of the detrimental effects of narcissistic adult children on their families. A common example is a parent who was dismissed and blackmailed into cutting off contact with the narcissistic child's children. This manipulation led to a breakdown in family relationships, with no one willing to communicate with the affected parent, such as in the case of a grandparent who lost touch with all their grandchildren.

Another example is an adult child who, due to manipulation and financial dependence, continued to support their poorly performing, non-employed parents and, in some cases, even kept their own financial support hidden. This led to financial instability and emotional distress for the child, as well as reluctance to share resources and support with a spouse.

Conclusion and Further Reading

The treatment of parents by narcissistic adult children is a complex issue that requires understanding and empathy from those around them. The psychological patterns of these children are deeply rooted in a need for validation and a fear of abandonment. For those looking to delve deeper into this topic, a recommended book is 'Prepare to be Tortured: The Price You Will Pay for Being the Family Scapegoat,' which provides further insights into psychological patterns and familial dynamics.

To understand more about the behaviors of narcissistic adult children and the dynamics at play, consider reading:

Book Title: 'Prepare to be Tortured: The Price You Will Pay for Being the Family Scapegoat' Available on Amazon for books and audio.

By understanding the psychological foundations of these behaviors, support and healthy boundaries can be established to mitigate the harmful effects of narcissistic adult children on their families.