Understanding a Mother's Mental Struggles: A Personal Reflection
Every child loves their mother without reservation. The world views her as their hero, the one who holds the sun and moon in their hands. But what if your mother was more than just a flawed superhero? What if she was a complex individual struggling with unseen battles that made her actions feel normal to you? This is the story of “Why didn't I know that my mom was a lunatic.”
The Normalization of Abnormal Behavior
When a mother’s behavior is normalized within the family, it becomes difficult to discern what is truly abnormal and what is just part of everyday life. Until you have a basis of comparison, normalizing such behaviors can occur. But, as one matures and gains perspective, these behaviors become more apparent. This realization isn’t a reflection of one’s intelligence or perceptions, but rather a necessary process of growing and learning.
As Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist, states, 'How could you have known that your mother’s behavior was “aberrant” until you had sufficient exposure to the behavioral patterns of other mothers to contrast it?' This exposure allows you to analyze the discrepancies and gain insights into your mother's true nature. This journey of self-discovery and intellectual growth is invaluable, but it's crucial not to ‘beat yourself up’ in the process. Acknowledge your emotions, learn from them, and move forward.
The Innocence of Childhood
Children, by nature, lack the perspective of adults. They live in a world that is entirely centered around them and their immediate environment. Their mother is an unconditional source of love and care, representing the pinnacle of nurturing and protection. However, this perspective changes as the child matures and gains exposure to the broader world. Childhood is a phase where emotional abuse can silently take root, with the child often internalizing the negative actions as a matter of their own fault.
It is only with the attainment of maturity that one can begin to see the patterns of abuse for what they are. A child, amidst the chaos and hurt, may find it difficult to differentiate between the object of their love and the source of their pain. This realization process is a daunting task, but it is essential for one's psychological and emotional well-being. In my own experience, my mother was bipolar and extremely abusive. When she was rational, she was a great mother. But when she wasn’t, you needed to be vigilant.
Empathy and Healing Through Choice
Understanding and embracing the struggle of a mother who suffers from mental health issues is a profound step towards healing. It is through this process that we learn to forgive and empathize with her sickness, rather than holding grudges and harboring anger. As I grew older, I learned not only what not to do to my own children but also how to build a healthier life for myself. I severed the chains of anger and blame, allowing myself to move forward with compassion and understanding.
As adults, we all have the choice to do better. My mother never knew her options, but I do. It is our responsibility to make better choices. The healing journey may seem daunting, but it is the only path to true liberation. Good luck to all those striving to find peace and understanding in their lives.