The Unexpected Self: How Children Perceive Themselves and What Others See

Have you ever wondered how you come across to other people? I was recently told that people see a part of me that I’m not aware of, and I can relate to this feeling deeply. Since I was a baby, I've always been conscious of my self-perception and how I present myself to those around me.

From a very young age, I was using words that only adults would use. Not profanity, but words as sophisticated as “insurance,” “eBay,” “email,” “bra,” “debt,” “mortgage,” and more. These words might have been beyond my full understanding, but I used them as a means of fitting in, appearing more mature, and fitting in with the adults around me.

Additionally, during my early years, I was taught about concepts that are generally considered mature, such as periods, tampons, marriage, and raising children on my own. While I never liked being singled out or feeling different from the people I surrounded myself with, I always wished to fit in and have the same privileges as others, even for the most trivial matters.

I had a unique perspective where I didn’t see myself as a child who gradually turns into an adult. I perceived life in a way that there were only two categories: kids and grownups. Kids would always remain kids, and grownups would always be adults from birth. While kids and grownups were granted the same rights and privileges, there were certain legal ages that defined the transition. For instance:

Legal Ages:

Minimum legal age to be allowed home alone: 12 Minimum age to drive a car: 16 Minimum age to vote or get your own house: 18 Minimum age to get married: 21

Despite this, age is only a number. Nobody physically appears older or younger. We are all expected to inherently know what divorce, having sex, wine, skimpy dresses, cigarettes, and dating mean. And if you don't have breasts, you won't grow any. This realization led me to some amusing yet endearing antics, like sucking in my ribcages and putting my bikini top over my ribs to pretend I had breasts when wearing a two-piece swimsuit. I would also make spit-bubbles while eating my fruit snacks, thinking it looked like I was chewing gum, since I didn’t know where to get gum or how to blow bubble-gum bubbles. Another amusing behavior was flicking my index finger with my thumb and making tongue clicks to mimic grownups snapping their fingers, even though I didn’t know how to do it correctly. I would invent names for imaginary family members, like nieces, nephews, in-laws, and even pretend to have sons and daughters and even a husband!

It wasn't until around the third grade that I learned the difference between fantasy and reality. Yet, I still felt sometimes that I was intellectually inferior compared to others. This realization was a turning point, marking the start of a deeper self-awareness and understanding of the world around me.

Through these experiences, I learned that perceptions of self and others are often shaped by the environment we are in and the people we interact with. Understanding these insights can help us better understand not only ourselves but also those around us, fostering empathy and a more nuanced view of the diverse ways in which people interact and communicate.