The Psychology of Being Hard on Oneself and How to Overcome It

Being hard on oneself means setting standards for oneself that are too high or criticizing oneself for something that is either out of one's control or has been corrected. This mentality often stems from the psychological aspect of how individuals perceive themselves and their actions. This article explores the concept, its psychological underpinnings, and strategies to overcome it.

Understanding Being Hard on Oneself

In the context of work, a situation that might seem particularly harsh is when a productive employee, myself included, falls ill or needs rest. For example, in a given week, my efforts might falter due to leave, illness, and an inevitable end-of-year slump. Despite the challenging circumstances, there is an internal battle between taking care of oneself and meeting expectations. It's crucial to recognize that being hard on oneself is not always beneficial.

The Psychology Behind Self-Criticism

Being hard on oneself has more to do with the psychology of the individual rather than the external circumstances. Here are some common psychological aspects:

Berating oneself over mistakes that have minimal or no consequences Criticizing oneself even after having corrected mistakes Ignoring self-care in favor of task completion Finding ways to interpret negative treatment as one's own fault Always going the extra mile, even when it's unnecessary Feeling like a failure, even when progress is being made

These behaviors are characteristic of perfectionists, who are especially prone to harsh self-criticism. Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword, leading to high achievement but also to significant stress and dissatisfaction.

Putting Ourselves in Perspective

I, for one, am very self-critical in reviewing my own actions and mistakes. It's far easier to be critical when reviewing one's own actions as a third person but internally, the same rationality does not always apply. This self-criticism often stems from a desire to achieve and maintain high standards.

However, it is important to recognize that this behavior is not always helpful. While being self-reflective can be beneficial, ruminating on past mistakes or feeling like a failure does not aid personal growth. Instead, it can lead to burnout and low self-esteem.

Strategies to Overcome Being Hard on Oneself

Here are some effective strategies to help overcome the tendency to be hard on oneself:

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that it is a natural part of the learning process. Set Realistic Goals: Having achievable goals can help reduce the pressure to perform perfectly. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Take Time for Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Ensuring that you have a healthy work-life balance is crucial. Cultivate Positive Mindset: Focus on your strengths and positive qualities. Keep a gratitude journal to help you appreciate your successes and progress.

By implementing these strategies, individuals can develop a more balanced and healthy relationship with themselves, leading to increased productivity, well-being, and overall life satisfaction.