The Meaning Behind an Adoptive Mother Calling You Her Daughter
In the complex world of adoption, the dynamics between adopted children and their adoptive parents are unique and multifaceted. One question that often arises is when an adopted mother chooses to call her adopted child simply 'daughter' rather than specifying 'adopted daughter.' Does this change the legal or emotional status of their relationship? This article delves into the significance of this choice and explores the deeper implications of such a decision.
The Significance of Language in Adoption
Language, particularly in the realm of adoption, is not just a matter of grammar or semantics. It allows for the expression of love, acceptance, and identity within the family. Adoptive mothers like myself have often faced the challenge of how to address their adopted daughters. For instance, when our older adopted boys knew their parents, they preferred to use terms like 'Grandma' and 'Grandpa' instead of 'Mom' and 'Dad,' due to feelings of shame or lack of acceptance about their adoption. This kind of dynamic emphasizes the importance of communication and understanding within the family.
Understanding the Emotion Behind the Choice
It is crucial to recognize that the way an adopted mother addresses her adopted daughter is deeply rooted in her feelings of love and acceptance. When an adoptive mother simply calls her adopted daughter 'daughter,' it signifies a deep emotional bond and a desire to create an environment of unconditional love and acceptance. As Florence, an adoptive mother, shared,
"She loves you dearly. She sees you as her daughter, transcending any social restraints or classifications. Love is not a grammar test."
Motherhood and the Definition of Love
Within this context, motherhood is defined by the emotions and bond of love, not by the legal or technical nomenclature. The term 'adopted daughter' clearly denotes the legal and technical relationship, while referring to her as 'daughter' reflects the emotional bond and the love that truly defines the mother-daughter relationship. In essence, the choice to use the term 'daughter' is a celebration of the love that exists between them. Jude, a mother who adopted her daughter over 30 years ago, asserts,
"A rose is a rose by whatever name called. Whether the motherly heart calls you as a daughter or an adopted daughter, your status as an adopted daughter will remain intact. But if you care to take cognizance of the affinity and love she has for you by calling you her daughter, you will see motherhood at its best."
Building a Relationship of Love and Acceptance
The relationship between an adopted child and her adoptive mother is one that requires mutual respect, trust, and acceptance. An adopted child should recognize the immense love and hard work that went into bringing them into the family. Jude shares,
"You are getting back the love of your biological mother through your adopted mom, and you should be indebted for the same. Reciprocate with love and care, and fill your heart with a feeling of belonging and moral support."
Choosing How to Address One Another
Ultimately, whether an adopted mother uses 'adopted daughter' or simply 'daughter' to address her child is a personal choice that should be a collaborative process between the two. Florence suggests,
"I think that should be decided by both of you. Do you not like to be called her daughter? Then you need to bring it up in a conversation."
Conclusion
The complex and rewarding journey of adoption is characterized by love, acceptance, and the building of familial bonds. The way an adoptive mother refers to her adopted daughter is a testament to the emotional and heartwarming bond that they share. Whether she calls you an 'adopted daughter' or simply 'daughter,' her love and commitment to you remain unwavering. Acceptance and understanding, both of yourself and your adoptive mother, are key to fostering a strong and loving relationship.