The Mask of Success: Why We Fake Our Smiles and When We Remove the Mask

Pain, rejection, and the burden of pretending to be something we’re not are all too common in our lives. I have always believed it was vital to wear a mask of success, using a fake smile to conceal my true feelings, particularly during moments of adversity and personal crisis. My story, as detailed below, offers a stark and relatable account of how such a phenomenon can shape our lives and the challenges we face in maintaining authenticity.

Rejection and the Mask of Success

The journey of my life began in December 2015 when I cleared numerous aptitude tests during placements but was rejected in all 13 subsequent interviews, solely due to a lack of confidence. The reason for my soul-crushing rejection was compounded by the constant disappointment of my friends’ success. I soon learned that my true feelings might dampen their spirits or cause them to doubt my intentions and capabilities. Thus, I developed a habit of leaving the hostel whenever results were declared and only returned to congratulate my friends the next morning. This ruse allowed me to maintain a facade of happiness, even as hopelessness and despair plagued me from within. This saddening experience reiterated the notion that faking a smile is an essential survival technique in times of emotional turmoil.

Continuous Rejection and Emotional Masking

In January 2016, the day of CAT results arrived, and once again, I faked my smile, feeling miserable from the inside. This period was particularly tumultuous, as I had secured a 98.7 percentile in the exam, but fell just short in the verbal section. My ultimate dream of joining the UPSC was still alive, yet the constant rejections made me question my future and the value of my efforts. In the same month, I cracked the GATE but with a less-than-ideal rank. An interview call from IOCL seemed to be an opportunity, but I was once again rejected. Despite the pain of rejection, I took it positively and later joined Aditya Birla. Life was a chaotic mix of confusion and uncertainty, with a future that seemed bleak and uncertain.

Physical and Emotional Struggles

My journey was not just filled with emotional distress but also physical pain. In December 2016, I hurt my knee due to prolonged wear of factory shoes, which caused significant pain in my meniscus. Despite the agony, I suppressed my tears, choosing to endure silently. The challenge of managing this pain while maintaining a facade of happiness became an ever-present struggle. My resignation from Aditya Birla in February 2017 was a turning point. I moved to Delhi for the ultimate dream of joining the UPSC, but it soon became clear that this was not the right decision. Just like previous rejections, the frustration and sense of failure led to more pain, both emotional and physical.

Confronting Struggles and Seeking Answers

Moving to coaching became a savior, providing me with a place where I was not a failure. However, it also exposed me to the complexities of maintaining a facade. Every day after coaching, the same questions of failure and self-doubt accompanied me. I found comfort and support among my students, who saw me as a role model, but their reliance on me further added to the pressure. Pretending to be happy, even when alone, became an integral part of my daily life, always a layer of deception.

Improvement and the Path Forward

As years passed, the coaching profession evolved, and with it, my role in the students’ lives. However, the struggle to maintain a facade of happiness and success continued. New surgeries and challenges have become part of my life, forcing me to confront my past and the path I have followed. Despite the physical pain and emotional turmoil, the students’ belief in me and the need to support them have kept me going.

The Importance of Emotional Authenticity

Ultimately, the journey has taught me the importance of being authentic, even if it means being vulnerable and facing the struggles head-on. The facade of success and the continuous effort to fake a smile are reflections of a deeper need to cope with life’s challenges. Moving forward, I believe that embracing our true selves and the emotions that come with it will lead to a more fulfilling and real life, where the ups and downs are part of the journey, and the smile is a genuine expression of happiness.

Always remember, the key to living a fulfilling life is being true to oneself, both in triumphs and during the times of struggle. The mask of success can only deceive for so long before the truth reveals itself. Embrace your emotions fully, and let your life be an open and honest narrative.