The Importance of Using 'Please' and 'Thank You' in Parent-Child Communication

Using words like please or may I is not just a sign of politeness; it also demonstrates respect and consideration for those around us. However, the habit of using these words is often overlooked, especially in the context of parent-child interactions. In this article, we will explore why the use of such polite phrases is crucial, and how parents can model effective communication through their own behavior.

Parent-Child Communication: A Mirror of Cultural Norms

Have you ever noticed that in many homes, parents frequently say things like ‘Why don’t you do this, or Why don’t you do that? ’ without the addition of a simple yet powerful word: please? This omission can sometimes make the child feel compelled or forced into performing the task, rather than being offered it with respect. The story of my mom, who always said 'Why don’t you...,' highlights this point. She later jokingly pointed out that I should have used 'please' before making my request, leading to a heartfelt discussion about the importance of such phrases.

Changing Habits in Dialogue

Observing the use (or lack thereof) of polite language in everyday interactions can be enlightening. It is common to hear people use 'please' when making a request: 'Please bring me that, please set the table... ' but rarely when giving instructions or commands: 'Stop hitting your brother, you have to wear 2 shoes to school...'. This inconsistency can be attributed to the perceived subservient nature of the word 'please' in certain contexts. While some use it humorously, like when saying 'Pretty please... ', in normal conversation, 'please' often goes unnoticed.

The Role of Role Models in Learning

Children learn by mirroring the examples set by their parents. For instance, if parents consistently use 'please' and 'thank you', children are more likely to do the same. However, if parents omit these words, children may learn to do the same. As a Canadian, I have noticed that people who use polite language in their daily interactions are generally perceived as having better manners. Hence, it is beneficial for parents to use 'please' and 'thank you' in all situations, even when giving instructions or commands.

Setting a Positive Example: When to Use 'Please'

Parents may argue that certain circumstances warrant the use of a firmer tone. For example, saying 'Johnny, would you please clean up your room before you go out to play' versus 'Johnny, stop pulling the cat's tail NOW'. The sentence structure and inflection can indicate a gentle request versus a severe demand. In both cases, the inclusion of 'please' might seem unnecessary, but it is about setting a precedent of respect and consideration.

The Impact of Manners on Everyone

Manners are not just about how we interact with our children; they are about how we treat everyone in our lives. Phrases like 'please', 'thank you', 'excuse me', and 'I am sorry' should be part of our daily vocabulary, regardless of the situation. Even when instructing someone who works for you, using 'please' can set a positive tone. For instance, 'Please start working on this project by tomorrow' conveys respect and consideration just as much as 'Thank you for completing this task on time'.

In conclusion, using polite language is not just a matter of being polite; it is about modeling good behavior and setting a positive example for our children to follow. By using 'please' and 'thank you' consistently, we can create a culture of respect and consideration in our homes and communities.