Should Parents Check Their Teenage Daughter's Phone for Privacy Reasons?

When my 13-year-old daughter asked me to stop checking her phone, it struck me that the issue may not stem from a lack of trust but rather a need for respect. Many adults often justify their actions by arguing that 'as a parent, you pay for the phone and it’s your job to protect your child.' While this is true, it is equally important to recognize that teenagers want privacy and deserve it, unless they have proven themselves untrustworthy.

The Evolution of Phone Privacy

With the advent of smartphones and the ability to set passwords, I made a deal with each of my teens: they would write their passwords on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. I agreed to open this envelope only in an emergency, specifically if I deemed it necessary to access their phone. I never had to open these envelopes, and my children didn't change their passwords often, if at all. As responsible teens, now 19 and 18, they excelled academically, maintained part-time jobs, and participated in various extracurricular activities.

Respecting Teen Privacy

My recommendation is to avoid creating unnecessary drama. Checking your teenager's phone without need can erode their trust and disrespect their right to privacy. A 16-year-old who has owned a phone for eight years and never had their phone checked by their parents agrees; such actions can quickly lead to a loss of trust.

Consequences of Privacy Violations

If your teenager demonstrates a need to check their phone, such as hiding things or being sneaky about their interactions, then it might be necessary. However, for those who are responsible, well-behaved, and have good grades, there is usually no need to worry. Allow your teenager the freedom to have conversations without constantly worrying whether their mother may become angry over something they or their friend said.

Understanding Teen Privacy: A UN Human Right

It is crucial to remember that privacy is a fundamental human right, recognized by the United Nations. Rounding up your teenager’s phone unnecessarily can damage your relationship and trust in the long term. Privacy is not a warranty for misbehavior, but a key factor in a healthy parent-teen relationship. By respecting their privacy, you're fostering an environment where they can grow into responsible adults.