Sharpening Our Aesthetics: The Brutal Reality of Some of the Meanest Film Reviews Ever
Film critics are known for their sharp wit and sometimes brutal honesty. Their harsh critiques can often be as impactful as a film's own plot, leaving a lasting impression on viewers. Here are some of the most savage reviews ever given to movies:
1. Roger Ebert at His Harsh Best
One of the most famous film critics, Roger Ebert, has noted that a film was "so bad it’s almost good." This claim is a testament to Ebert's keen eye and unflinching honesty. In describing a film as "a disaster of a film," he further critiqued its "bizarre screenplay and awkward performances," leaving no doubt of his disdain.
2. Staggering Incompetence
Ebert's review of another film was so harsh that it was described as "staggeringly incompetent." He was not just criticizing the film's acting, writing, and direction but likening it to a "train wreck." This vivid imagery encapsulates his belief that the film was a complete failure.
3. The Most Expensive Home Movie
The New York Times reviewed a film so coherently lacking that they described it as "the most expensive home movie ever made." The critic's scathing review highlighted the film's lack of charm and coherence, not to mention its poor craftsmanship.
4. Committee Work
The Chicago Sun-Times pointed out that yet another film appeared to have been "made by a committee of people who have never seen a movie." This review captured the essence of a disjointed and directionless production that failed to connect with viewers.
5. Breathless and Boring
The Guardian was equally harsh, describing the reviewed film as "the kind of film that makes you question your own mortality." A scathing review like this leaves a lasting impression, often expressing disappointment when a film fails to live up to its potential or the critic's expectations.
6. Rotten Tomatoes' Notorious Rating
This film earned a notorious 3 rating on Rotten Tomatoes, a platform that gauges the critical consensus of films. Critics called it "a film that should never have been made," which alone is enough to deter many viewers. One reviewer summed it up as "a crime against cinema," leaving no room for positive interpretation.
7. Ungainly and Unentertaining
The New York Times identified a film as "a film that could make you question your taste in movies." This review highlighted the film's campy nature and lack of depth. It's a strong criticism that challenges the viewer's sensibilities and leaves a lasting negative impact.
8. Cinematic Torment
Rolling Stone called a movie "a movie that makes you want to gouge your eyes out," a strikingly vivid description. This review criticized the film's humor and overall treatment, suggesting that the film's execution was so poor that it left the reviewer at a loss for words.
These reviews are memorable not only for their bluntness but also for highlighting the critic's deep passion for cinema. They often express disappointment when a film fails to meet expectations, leaving a lasting impact on how we perceive and appreciate cinema.
Recent Critique on Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny
More recently, the BBC offered a scathing review of Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny. The reviewer lamented that the film has the air of a passing of the torch, but in a gloomier fashion than The Force Awakens. The critique is particularly poignant as it focuses on the portrayal of Indiana Jones as a "broken helpless old man" who is sidelined in favor of his patronizing goddaughter.
Furthermore, the reviewer noted that the film lacks the "jokes, zest, and exuberance" of Indiana Jones' past adventures. This leaves us questioning why a character so beloved and iconic is presented in a diminishing light. The reviewer's plea that the film is so bleak that it could be "a depressing reminder of how much livelier his past adventures were" underscores the film's failure to recapture the magic of its predecessors.
Considering that the screenplay is credited to four writers, it is surprising that the script could turn out so flat. The reviewer questions whether a more creative use of Indiana Jones' whip could have salvaged the movie, highlighting a missed opportunity in the film's execution.
With such a strong negative reception, it's no wonder the reviewer concludes with a statement that they will not pay to see this movie. Instead, they opt to "fondly remember when Indy rode off into the sunset with his father and friends at the end of The Last Crusade." This sentiment encapsulates the film's failure to live up to the legacy it was attempting to honor.
In the world of film, criticism plays a vital role. While Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny may not find a place in the pantheon of great films, these critiques serve as valuable lessons for filmmakers and audiences alike. Whether you agree with the harshness of these reviews or not, they certainly provide insight into the complexity of creating and critiquing cinema.