How Did Your Partner Explain Why They Cheated on You?

Once the trust is broken, the relationship is shattered. There is no magical way to get over someone who has betrayed you on such a profound level. No counseling session or online guide can wave a wand and turn your hurt into understanding.

The marriage or relationship as you knew it before is over and broken forever. You might learn to live with it, but why would you even want to? If you have children, you want to ensure they grow up with both parents. I am in the same boat.

I had been married for 24 years and 2 months when I detected something was amiss. I asked my wife, and she lied to my face. She was a social media aficionado, and I set up a tablink in bio to track her activities. Within a few hours, I had every piece of her social media/emails from August 31, 2021, to December 2023.

What I felt sadly was confirmed by what I read. When I confronted her, she lied, denied everything, and then when faced with hard evidence, she blamed everyone but herself. If I did not have kids, I would have left without saying a word after reading her social media. A year has passed since I found out, and it remains as bad as the day I discovered her betrayal.

I learned to compartmentalize my anger and channel it into the gym. I still have three more years to go until my child leaves for college, and then I can move on.

She thinks I am the 'healing' husband. How naive! When I asked her: 'If I had done what you did, would you stay?', she replied without hesitation: 'I would have left you in a heartbeat! ' Isn’t that poetic hypocrisy? Yet, she wants me to stay and work on our marriage, particularly because she was caught. In her anger, she decided to air her grievances on her family and a few close friends, but not the reason: why I found out.

I tried to let it go, but her parents' attempts to scold me were too much. I sent them the juicier parts of her social media, and now they can no longer look me in the eye. I also shared them with her friends and her former affair partners. The meltdown from her was priceless; I shattered her 'water walker' persona!

How Do You Get Over This?

There is no getting over this, regardless of how strong or weak you are personally. The triggers will be there daily unless you find a healthy way to deal with your anger. People can get so depressed that they end up doing unthinkable things. Your life is what you make it. Your decisions will have consequences.

Here are some steps that may help:

1. Acceptance

Accept the betrayal and set the stage to move forward. Denying or rationalizing the situation will only prolong the pain.

2. Emotional Detachment

Gradually detach emotionally from the person who betrayed you. Focus on your own needs and healing.

3. Professional Support

Seek help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with the emotional turmoil.

4. Distraction

Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you focus on positive experiences.

5. Support System

Surround yourself with friends and family who understand and support you. A strong support system is crucial during this time.

Remember, healing takes time. Stay patient and kind to yourself. Your life is worth living, and you deserve to find happiness again.