Understanding the Difficulty of Not Judging People
Why is it often so challenging not to judge people? The reality is that our society, influenced by family, friends, and various institutions, teaches us from a young age to evaluate, critique, and sometimes even compete with others. However, this ingrained habit can lead to frustration and resentment when we encounter individuals who do not see our positive attributes or recognize our accomplishments.
Our human nature tends to dwell more on the negative aspects rather than the positive, especially in environments that are perceived as critical or unstable. This fixation on the negative can lead to feelings of resentment towards those who seem overly critical of us. Understanding the roots of this tendency is the first step towards change.
Why Judging and Shaming Aren't Productive
If judging and shaming were effective in healing or changing behavior, therapists and counselors would be using it as a primary tool. However, they don't. This prompts us to question why. Research and experience show that judging and shaming are counterproductive habits formed during early childhood when the pre-frontal part of the brain is still developing.
From ages 0 to 7, before the pre-frontal cortex is fully developed, children tend to overgeneralize and overpersonalize situations. This can lead to a strong pattern of self-judgment and blame. As individuals, we carry this unproductive habit into adulthood, which can significantly impact our relationships and mental well-being.
Human Egoisms and Judgment
Human egos also play a significant role in judgment. Often, our egos try to control others rather than allowing us to control ourselves. It is essential to recognize and train our ego to step back, allowing us to make decisions that align with our values and well-being. Overcoming the ego's influence requires patience, self-awareness, and practice.
Observations and Insights
Our society has instilled in us the habit of judging others and their behaviors. From family and friends to religious and political institutions, we are taught what is good, bad, right, and wrong. However, these perceived norms and values can differ from person to person, and they are often applied universally without exceptions. This creates a conflict where we demand others to conform to our standards, even if they may not align with their beliefs or values.
Instead of insisting that our beliefs apply to everyone, we should promote self-reflection and personal responsibility. Each individual has the right to their beliefs and behaviors as long as they do not harm others. Recognizing this can prevent the easy reverse judgment that can be used against us. No one is perfect, and no one has all the answers. What matters is who we aspire to be and how we align our behavior with our personal beliefs.
Furthermore, many people judge others to bolster their ego, perceiving themselves as superior to others. This often stems from a low self-esteem and is a futile attempt to compensate for feelings of inadequacy. It is important to foster a healthier self-image and to understand that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Focusing on personal growth and self-improvement can be far more beneficial than judging others.
Conclusion
Learning to not judge others is a journey of personal growth and self-awareness. By understanding the roots of our judgmental tendencies and the lessons learned from early childhood, we can work towards healing and retraining our minds. Embracing self-reflection, recognizing the impact of our beliefs on others, and focusing on personal development rather than judging others can lead to a more compassionate and peaceful world.