Navigating Unwanted Advice: Tales from a Non-Atheist

Have you ever received a piece of advice from a stranger that left a lasting impact? For many of us, the trivial, intrusive, or simply misguided tips can be more challenging to handle than expected. This article explores a series of instances where unwanted advice took center stage, and offers a personal narrative from an individual who has faced a lifetime of such interventions.

The Power of Stereotypes and Prejudices

From a young age, I have encountered a barrage of advice that ranged from stereotypical to downright nosy. Growing up, many people would offer unsolicited guidance on various topics – from my pregnancy to my parenting decisions. One of the more ubiquitous bits of advice that followed me throughout my life has been to 'pray.'

Herein lies the irony; throughout my life, I have been an atheist. Despite this, it seemed that everyone I met felt the need to remind me of the benefits of faith. While these interventions aren't exclusively from strangers, one instance that stands out involves a person who had known me for nearly half a century. They suggested simply praying for guidance. I find this continual advice to be as offensive as it is unhelpful.

Unwanted Pregnancy and Parenting Advice

When my pregnancy began to show, the onslaught of unsolicited advice intensified. Commentators would say things like, "I can tell you're having a boy," or "girls steal a mother's beauty," or "are you sure you want to eat that?" While I could usually handle well-meaning nonsense, the cumulative effect of months of uninvited advice was incredibly wearing.

One specific instance that stands out involved a stranger who commented on my newborn's crying. After months of addressing what seemed like constant parenting advice, this individual finally asked, "Have you tried comforting her?" This insensitivity was particularly shocking, and it highlighted the challenges of living through an unexpected wave of well-meaning but unwelcome suggestions.

Resistance to Unwanted Interventions

Throughout these experiences, I have often found myself engaging in reciprocal moments of resistance. Two key instances stand out as examples of how I responded to these unwanted interventions.

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During my first quarter at school, while I was smoking a cigarette with a foreign student from Oriental Asia, an unintended interruption occurred. A bystander, hearing my question about the student's origin, told me to stop and said that it was inappropriate to ask such a question. This response was both disconcerting and dismissive of my personal boundaries.

It was my partner who stepped in, invoking logic and reason to counter the one-sided and inappropriate stance taken by the bystander. My partner, who personally does not tolerate bullshit, passionately explained that the context of the question was not as hostile as the bystander perceived. She reminded the interrupter that she didn't know the individual and didn't know how familiar I was with the context. This intervention effectively defused the situation and provided a logical explanation for the query.

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Another memorable incident involved a conversation about gender identity. While discussing a past relationship with a gender binary person, I was told that it was impolite to refer to someone as 'they.' This reaction rubbished any well-intentioned notion of linguistic sensitivity and prompted a discussion about biological realities and the limitations of terminology in accurately describing individual identity.

By clarifying that "people who are born with penises are men, and those with vaginas are women," while acknowledging the rare cases of true dual sex individuals, I aimed to foster a balanced dialogue. I emphasized that transgender identities, like other forms of identity, are personal and should be respected, much like acknowledging someone's depression or anxiety without trying to 'fix' them.

Conclusion

These instances of unwanted advice have not only provided me with countless memorable moments but also taught important lessons about standing up for myself and others. Whether through humor, logic, or the simple act of refusal, we can create boundaries against intrusive interventions. It is crucial to recognize when these well-meaning but unwelcome suggestions cross the line and to respond with confidence and assertiveness.

Keywords: unwanted advice, random advice, pregnancy advice, parenting advice