Navigating Gender Fluidity: Guidance for Teens and Families

Coming to terms with your gender identity can be a complex and emotional journey. For many young individuals, sharing their truth with their family, especially parents, can be a daunting challenge. If you believe you are gender fluid and have considered sharing this with your parents, it's important to approach the conversation with care and forethought.

Understanding Gender Fluidity

Gender fluidity is a term used to describe a person whose gender identity is not fixed and may change over time or differ across situations. It is a part of the broader spectrum of gender identities that exist beyond the binary of male and female. As someone who is gender fluid, you may find yourself feeling more like a boy one day and a girl the next, or a combination of both, or neither.

Approaching the Conversation

When considering how to share your gender fluidity with your parents, it's crucial to evaluate their reactions and attitudes. Here are some steps and considerations to help you prepare for this conversation:

Testing the Waters

Before diving into the sensitive conversation, start by discussing your feelings and experiences in a less direct way. Ask your parents for their thoughts on non-binary or non-gender conforming people. Gauge their reactions and attitudes. If they seem open and accepting, it might be a good time to share more detailed information about your personal journey. However, if they express disapproval or discomfort, it may be best to wait or seek a different avenue to express your identity.

Waiting for a Safer Time

It's important to ensure that your parents are in a supportive and accepting space before you share this information. If they have a negative stance, or if they blame societal influences like the internet, you might need to hold off and wait until their attitudes change. Observe how they discuss LGBTQ topics and gender norms. If they tend to criticize or downplay issues related to non-binary identities, it might not be the right time to come out to them.

Choosing the Right Time and Place

If you decide to share your gender fluidity, choose a time and place where your parents are most likely to be receptive. It's important to pick a time when they are not preoccupied with other stressors. Explain your feelings and your identity clearly and calmly. You might say, 'Mom and Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something important. I have realized that I am gender fluid, which means...

Bolstering Family Communication

Whether to share or not, it's essential to maintain a positive relationship with your parents. Focus on building a strong, open line of communication. Discuss your experiences and feelings openly, but also share your interests, dreams, and challenges. This will help you build mutual understanding and respect. Remember, life is in the living. Too often, we get caught up in the drama of coming out and forget the importance of everyday moments of connection and support.

Supporting Your Great-Neice

Supporting a family member who is navigating their gender identity can be challenging. One of the biggest obstacles is helping them explain what gender fluidity means and addressing the confusion it may cause. Family members might have questions such as, 'What is that?' or 'What do you mean?' or 'If you’re not my niece/daughter/granddaughter anymore, how do I refer to you?' Here are some tips to help your great-niece navigate these questions:

Be patient and educate. Explain that gender fluidity means that someone's gender identity is not fixed and can change over time. Encourage them to use pronouns that align with their current feelings. This helps ensure that everyone respects their identity. Prepare for lots of questions. Being ready to explain your gender identity can help alleviate some of the confusion and discomfort that might arise. If they are comfortable with it, they can share their journey with family and friends over time. This allows them to feel more secure with their identity before broader disclosure.

Personal Experience

My great-niece is currently going through this challenge. She has encountered significant confusion and queries from family members about what gender fluidity means. Family members might ask, 'What is that?' or 'What do you mean?' or 'If you’re not my niece/daughter/granddaughter anymore, how do I refer to you?' Below is a sample of how she might respond to these questions:

'I am gender fluid, which means my gender identity can change over time and might not align solely with traditional binary gender roles. I use the pronouns they/them. If you are unsure about how to refer to me, just ask me directly. It's important to me that I am respected and seen for who I am.'

Ultimately, it's up to you when you decide to share your identity and how much you share. Take your time, and make sure you are in a safe and supportive environment before coming out to your parents. Patience and clear communication are key to navigating this complex journey.