Why is it so Hard to Listen to People's Advice when You're Depressed?

It is always challenging to listen to other people's advice, especially when dealing with depression. Often, advice offered does not address our specific needs. Instead, what we truly crave is someone to simply listen without judgment. Well-meaning advice is frequently misguided and accompanied by a hidden judgment that suggests they know what is best for us, more than we do ourselves.

Advice from the Outside vs. Self-Advice

One of the most significant issues is that people often assume that offering advice equates to providing help. This can be a misconception. It is important to approach advice with caution, as accepting it does not guarantee the problem will be solved. In my experience, I try to avoid giving advice altogether. Even if someone asks, I share my own experiences and suggest potential solutions rather than asserting what is best for them. Furthermore, it is crucial never to say, I told you so, as this can further exacerbate feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Understanding that someone may not want advice does not mean they do not want to get better. It is akin to offering a peanut butter sandwich and being met with a firm decline—it does not indicate a lack of interest in improving.

Positive Thinking and Self-Help in Depression

When suffering from depression, the only real advice that can truly benefit you comes from within. Negative thoughts and actions are a common symptom. However, anyone who is depressed is also trying to help themselves. Therefore, it is essential to focus on positivity. While it may seem challenging at first, striving to think positively can be a powerful tool in overcoming depression. Even though the effort may be hard, the results can be transformative.

Depressive Mindset and Difficulty in Listening

When deeply depressed, the brain is clouded with a fog that makes understanding advice and comprehending the world around you incredibly difficult. It is hard to find the motivation to take action on advice even when you understand it.

The mindset of depression often centers around feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. These feelings are rooted in specific beliefs—a core belief about oneself or the world. For example, I once struggled with the belief that I was a terrible student, which led me to dismiss any evidence to the contrary. Despite achieving straight A's, my deep-seated belief clouded my judgment, causing me to blame my success on external factors rather than acknowledging my capabilities. This belief made it incredibly difficult to consider alternative advice and motivated behaviors that align with this distorted perspective.

Depression distorts reality, making it hard to accept advice that contradicts one's negative views. It can also manifest as a sense of incompetence and hopelessness, which further complicates the ability to listen and act on advice. Understanding the root of these beliefs and working to reframe them can be a crucial step in overcoming the barriers to accepting helpful advice.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Listening to advice when you are depressed is a complex process. It requires recognizing your own beliefs and working to shift them towards positivity. By acknowledging the distorted mindset that often comes with depression, you can begin to open yourself up to more constructive advice. Remember, the only true advice in such times is that which you give to yourself.