What Do Narcissists Do When Their Excuses No Longer Work?

When a narcissist realizes their excuses no longer work, the situation can quickly become dire. The moment a narcissist's justifications and manipulations fail, they often resort to blaming the victim, engaging in underhanded tactics, and cutting off all forms of communication. Understanding these behaviors and the underlying psychology can help individuals navigate and cope with the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship.

Emotional Tantrums and Blame Placements

When a narcissist's usual excuses cease to hold any weight, they may immediately flip the script and become extremely defensive or even aggressive. They could engage in emotional tantrums or become more transparent in their self-victimizing narrative. This is when they start to place blame on the victim—suggesting that the victim is the problem or the one causing issues in the relationship. This behavior is an attempt to deflect responsibility and maintain control over the narrative.

Dramatic Escalation and Isolation

A narcissist recognizing the futility of their previous tactics often escalates the situation dramatically. They might cut off all forms of communication, completely avoiding any interaction or contact with the victim. This sudden silence is designed to create confusion and distance. They might also resort to a full-blown melt-down, which is often public and exaggerated to seem like it's all the victim's fault.

Violent or Non-Violent Measures: With a Twist

The reaction of a narcissist can vary depending on the nature of the relationship and their individual traits. In a relationship setting, they might isolate the victim from completing their daily tasks or even from leaving the house. If the victim was in a friendship, the narcissist might turn the rest of their social group against them. They might cut the victim off completely, ensuring that no one else gets involved. If they are still keeping some level of contact, they might manipulate the situation to distance themselves further, making it seem like the victim is the one causing issues.

The Most Subtle Yet Deadly Approach

In some cases, the narcissist will resort to what seems like genuine remorse. They may agree to therapy, claim to be in "rehab," or pretend to have mental health issues. However, these are often done to manipulate the situation and gain time to control the narrative again. They might pretend to have a breakdown, cry, or agree to therapy sessions, only to go through the motions and then return to their old ways. If the group or family does not buy into their exaggerated display of remorse, they will likely be disgruntled and avoid further interaction.

Long-Term Isolation and Manipulation

Ultimately, the narcissist's goal is to maintain isolation and control. They might continue to hide parts of their life from the victim and will never fully disclose their behavior. If they break down and attempt to go to therapy, they are more likely to abandon the process once they perceive any resistance or doubt. This is a form of manipulation aimed at controlling the narrative and maintaining their power. Their actions might be subtle, like creating a false sense that they have changed, or more overt, like disappearing completely.

Preparing for the Worst

For both friends and family members in the presence of a narcissist, it's crucial to have a clear understanding of the manipulative tactics and the risks involved. If a loved one exhibits these behaviors after realizing their excuses no longer work, it's best to distance oneself and seek support. In such situations, therapy can be beneficial, especially for partners and family members dealing with a narcissist. However, the most dangerous type of narcissist relies on this behavior to control and isolate their victims.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist who has lost their main tools of manipulation can be emotionally and psychologically taxing. Recognizing the signs and understanding the underlying motives can help in navigating such relationships and protecting oneself from their harmful influence. The key is to maintain distance, seek support, and prepare for potentially isolating and manipulative behaviors.