Marking a Mother’s Day Without Your Child: A Grief Diary
The heart-wrenching days of Mother's Day can be a particularly challenging time for those who have lost their child. In sharing my experience, it is my hope to offer solace to others facing similar hardships.
A Horrible Tragedy
Four years ago, my 4-year-old son was killed in a tragic accident. Mother’s Day came with intense grief, as I was a mother but my child was gone. When I became pregnant almost three years later, I longed for my new baby so desperately. She arrived in the late summer, just as my husband and I visited my mother and grandmother, and later had dinner with my husband's mother. This woman, who is deeply loved, said something that stung: 'Beth, next year you will be a mother.' I smiled, fighting back tears, knowing I already was a mother, even in the face of loss.
The Heartbreaking Reality
Words that acknowledge loss aren't always easy. There are terms for a partner or spouse who has lost their consort, like 'widower' and 'widow.' Similarly, there are terms for children who have lost their parents like 'orphan.' The grief and longing for one's child can feel isolating, as if there's no word to describe the unique pain an orphaned mother experiences.
Supporting My Husband Through Loss
My wonderful husband also lost his mother three years ago. She was 94 and a half, the youngest of 12 children, within a Polish-American Catholic enclave. She had lost all her siblings and was the last of her generation. Watching him honor her at the cemetery, where his parents, aunts, and uncles were laid to rest, was a poignant reminder of the cycles of life and loss.
He bought beautiful red geraniums to plant on her grave, not just any flowers, but the 'right' color after carefully selecting through hundreds of geraniums. I hope she found her husband in the afterlife, and that he finds peace amidst his grief.
Honoring Our Families
In February 2018, my mother passed away. We celebrated her life, but we also remembered the other mothers in our large family who had also lost their children. We honored not only the living mothers but also remembered those who had passed. The grief cycle is unique for each person, and our family's coping mechanisms may not work for everyone. However, it is essential to not let grief consume you. We must find ways to move forward, to find peace, and to celebrate life's moments.
As we navigate the challenges of Mother's Day, let us be compassionate, understanding, and supportive of one another. Let us honor the memories of those we have lost and cherish the moments with those we have.
Keywords: Mother's Day grief, orphaned mothers, coping with loss