LUCKY IN LOVE: YOUR CHOICES AND WHETHER THEY MAKE YOU RACIST
Recently, I have a friend who is black and she mentioned that she has a rule about not going out with white guys. The question popped up: Is she a racist or not?
Personal Preferences vs. Racist Behavior
It greatly depends on the underlying reason for her rule. If she does not go out with white guys because she is simply not attracted to them, this is perfectly acceptable and not indicative of racist behavior. However, if she says that white guys suck, then that attitude would be considered racist.
Consider her preference for chocolate ice cream over vanilla. While some might argue it's none of our business, it's her choice to make. Similarly, if she consciously decides to date only black men, that is her business alone. It’s important that we respect and honor everyone’s freedom of choice when it comes to love and relationships.
Motivations Behind Romantic Choices
It’s also worth pondering the reasons behind her choices. Here are a few possibilities:
Personal preference / attraction — Not racist. Family disapproval — Not racist but questionable. Fear of mixed-race offspring — Racist, as it implies a belief in the inferiority of a race or religion based solely on that identity.Understanding the motivation will help in determining if it is merely a matter of taste or a more insidious racist stance.
Rationalizing Tastes or Values
People’s romantic or sexual preferences do not automatically make them a racist. A lack of attraction to a particular demographic does not equate to a belief in their inferiority. However, beliefs that individuals are inferior based solely on their race or religion can be considered racist. It’s important to consider how she behaves in other areas of life, especially in terms of friendships and workplace interactions. If she has prejudices in these areas, it could be indicative of a broader issue.
Conscious vs. Subconscious Rules
Let’s consider a more nuanced example. Say she doesn’t find any white guys attractive, not even those who are bright, witty, and intelligent. If her refusal is based on race, then it’s more problematic. To test it, consider the reverse: If she found another black person attractive, but ruled them out simply based on race, how would that perspective sound? This thought experiment can help in assessing if her preferences are truly impactful or if they have racial underpinnings.
Ultimately, it’s crucial to understand the context and motivations behind these choices. Love and relationships are deeply personal, and we should respect that everyone has the right to forge their paths in life. However, it’s equally important to recognize and address issues of racism when they emerge.