Incredible Moments in Therapy: When Horrible Advice Ruins Trust

Therapy is a journey of healing and growth. However, it is not uncommon for patients to encounter harmful or deeply inappropriate advice during their therapeutic journeys. Two such moments loom large in my history, both of which nearly derailed my trust and recovery process. Let me share these in hopes that future therapists might recognize the importance of empathy and responsibility in their practice.

The Permanent Solution

By the time I had met with Dr. S, I was well into a crisis. The temporary solution to a deeply intertwined problem felt permanent enough to make my plans irreversible. He was fully aware of my situation, and yet, when I provided him with a note that would allow him to discuss my departure with others if necessary, he dropped a bombshell.

I won’t need to talk to anyone about you because your death won’t affect me at all.

These words stunned me. They mirrored the coldness and detachment I had seen on his face as I handed over the note. In that moment, coming from a professional who had walked with me through my darkest hours, they were utterly devastating. It felt as if I could never undo the damage or find the comfort that had once resided in his words.

This is a therapist's job to care deeply, not to encourage thoughts of permanent solutions to temporary problems. I walked away from that session, and I never returned, unable to shake the impact of his words and actions. However, it wasn't until we found common ground and mutual understanding later that I found the healing I needed.

Childhood Sexual Assault and Inexcusable Advice

When I was 10 years old, seeking help for the horrors of my past, my therapist made an inexcusable remark that still resonates today. At the time of my sexual assault, my perpetrator was also only 6 years old, but that was not her defense. Here are her exact words:

You probably should’ve been more careful. They were a victim too—take responsibility for what happened.

Looking back, I can see she was trying to place the blame somewhere, to understand the situation. However, as a 10-year-old child, I had no way to process these words. I saw them as an admission that I was to blame, and this was profoundly damaging to my self-esteem and recovery.

Empathy and Understanding

I must acknowledge there is no easy way to change the past, but as an adult, I have come to understand that the abuser learned their behavior from someone older. They were too young to understand the severity of their actions, and this, to some extent, lessens the guilt I felt.

It is critical for therapists to offer empathy and support, not to place blame on their clients. This advice failed to provide any healing or comfort, instead, it exacerbated the pain and trauma I was already experiencing. What I needed instead was understanding and the belief that I did not deserve such harm.

Lessons Learned

Though these experiences were painful, they have become valuable lessons. They serve as a reminder of the importance of empathy, understanding, and care in the therapeutic process. A skilled therapist should not make clients feel responsible for their abuse, but instead, offer a safe space to process and heal.

As a patient, it is crucial to prioritize therapists who value and respect their clients, and as a community, we can push for better training and standards in mental health practices that ensure such tragedies are minimized.

Conclusion

Therapy is a journey of trust and healing. When a therapist's words or actions breach the boundaries of care and empathy, it can lead to devastating outcomes. These stories serve as a call to action for therapists and a reminder of the importance of accountability in this sensitive field. By prioritizing understanding and support, we can ensure that therapy truly fulfills its potential as a transformative experience for all who seek it.