The Most BS But Funniest Excuses by Children in E.R. and School
Working in the medical field, whether in the Emergency Department (E.D.) or as a school nurse, offers a unique opportunity to experience the creative minds of young patients. Here are a few funny patient excuses from both settings that I have encountered over my years in healthcare.
1. The Emergency Room Story
As a doctor or nurse in the E.D., we frequently encounter amusing and sometimes baffling patient stories. One such memorable visit was with a child patient who came in with acute abdominal pain. I was sure to double glove my right hand while preparing for the examination, expecting a complete blockage of stool. However, when I lifted one buttock, I noticed a vivid light emanating from the child's rectum. An X-ray revealed a medium-sized flashlight lodged in the colon.
Upon inquiring, the child explained that he had sat on a chair in his office, unintentionally turning it on. Both the light and the amusing explanation required a shift to a surgical suite for the removal of the flashlight and emergency colostomy.
The amusing part was not just the child's creative excuse, but the fact that the position of the flashlight had diapered his intestinal lining with a "pooparty". It's moments like these that remind healthcare professionals to be both serious and light-hearted, ensuring that patients and their families leave with a smile on their faces.
2. The School Nurse Dilemma
As a school nurse, I often deal with a variety of minor injuries and illnesses. However, when it started snowing, I overheard that a little girl had injured her ankle while slipping and falling on her way into school. Her ankle began to swell rapidly and turned black and blue, prompting me to call her mother to come pick her up for an X-ray.
Unfortunately, word spread quickly, and kids started dropping by my office claiming various ailments, only to end up back in class. Eventually, the list included the last student of the day, a boy who claimed to have an injured ankle. Upon questioning, he revealed that the injury happened two years ago and had been ongoing ever since.
His frustration was palpable when he argued, "Why did she leave with a hurt ankle for one day but I have to deal with it for two years?!" It was a lesson in how long some injuries can last and the importance of accurate reporting.
3. A Moment from Home
While not from a hospital setting, a similar level of creativity can be found in the day-to-day activities with one's own children. Recounting an incident from when my son was 7 years old, we were at a church picnic. My husband and I were watching the kids on the playground while the other mothers set up food.
Observing my son approaching the picnic shelter, I noticed his characteristic way of holding his injured wrist. However, when questioned about his injury, he replied simply, "I guess I was being stupid."
The real story unfolded as the children were playing on a large pirate ship contraption at the picnic. There was a small wooden pole a few feet away from the ship's bow. The kids were jumping from the bow to the pole and sliding down. My son mistimed his jump and fell about three feet to the ground. His arm was twisted under his body, resulting in a broken wrist, but he suffered no other injuries. The funny part was the post hoc rationalization and his immediate attempt to absolve himself of blame.
These funny patient excuses range from the accidental to the entirely fabricated, but they all offer a chuckle, a reminder, and a slice of insight into the world of our young patients.