From Fan to Observer: My Journey with BTS and the Sasaeng Phenomenon
BTS, the South Korean boy band, has been a global presence on the world stage has captivated fans in ways that go beyond mere adoration. For many, being a sasaeng fan means being part of a life-changing reality where you feel an intimate connection with your idols. However, the journey of fanhood is not always smooth. As time progresses, what initially seemed like a fun and exciting activity can transform into a difficult and emotionally taxing path. I once was a passionate sasaeng fan, eagerly following every move of BTS. Yet, over time, it left me questioning the very essence of my devotion.
Initial Passion and Intrigue
My journey with BTS began when I was a devoted EXO fan, back in 2012. It was during this time that I met Ms. Y, a fellow fan. Our group, like many others, was united by the thrill and excitement of knowing more detailed information about our idols, often going to great lengths to watch their performances and follow their activities.
We would spend countless hours surveilling the idols, observing them, and even getting into some minor stunts. These experiences were exhilarating and felt personal in a way that connected fans to the idols on a more direct level. It was like having a secret society where the purpose was to get closer to these stars.
The Competitive and Intense Side
With every fan activity, there was always competition. The desire to get closer or the chance to share exclusive information often led to camaraderie within the group. For example, during the EXO van incident, we were excited and prepared, but we also took risks. Sharing information through platforms like KT allowed us to earn extra cash and maintain our hobby without spending too much money on van rentals or taxis. This blend of excitement and competition made our fan activities both thrilling and financially beneficial.
The Turning Point and Change of Heart
However, not everything was rosy. One incident during a BTS flight in June 2019 was a turning point. I noticed a group of sasaeng fans who had some dubious intentions, which felt unethical and objectifying. The scenes they viewed and shared left me feeling disgusted and in a state of discomfort. This event triggered an internal conflict within me. I started to question if my actions were truly healthy and if the fan culture had become too consuming. The realization that my life was starting to revolve around the idols made me pause.
A warning from a fellow fan, 'You need to stop now or you will get hurt soon,' left a lasting impact. This advice wasn’t a plea but a sage piece of counsel that made me reevaluate my relationship with BTS. Was it just about following them or was there something more harmful beneath?
The Decision to Step Back
Over time, I realized that while being a fan of BTS was once exhilarating and exciting, it had slowly become tiring. The constant need to know every detail and the pressure to be close to the idols began to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to enjoy my life, not just live in the world of the idols. There was a part of me that felt urgently labeled a sasaeng, whether fully subscribed or not.
Despite my initial reluctance, the realization that I needed to find a balance and perhaps step back from the extremes of fan culture was a cathartic moment. I am now trying to focus on enjoying their performances and music without the pressure to always be present or involved in every aspect of their lives.
It’s a journey of self-discovery and understanding that not everything in life needs to revolve around idols. Fans can take breaks, enjoy the music, and live their lives to the fullest without the strict boundaries of sasaeng culture. It’s a reminder that sometimes, stepping back can offer new insights and a healthier perspective.