Forgiving Someone Who Hurts You: The Path to Healing and Freedom
Do you ever feel like forgiving someone who said some hurtful things to you under the influence of alcohol is out of the question? What if, when sober, they act like nothing ever happened? You might ask yourself, ‘How am I supposed to forgive someone when it's completely justified?’
Understanding Forgiveness: A Journey of Self
Forgiving someone who has hurt you, especially someone you deeply trust, can be excruciating. When someone close to you, like a person you deeply love, breaks your trust, it can be one of the most painful experiences you go through. Imagine that you were hurt so deeply by your love interest that it shattered your trust in them. On top of that, they say, 'I was drunk,' or even worse, they don’t mention it and act like it never happened. This article explores the complexity of forgiveness and its importance in healing from such wounds.
A Scenario of Trust Betrayal
I was once in a situation where I found myself in the exact scenario you might be describing. I was an alcoholic, as was my partner. We broke up, but she never sought help and continued her destructive behavior. During my recovery, she expressed her desire to get back together. To further complicate the situation, she called me while drunk one night, said cruel things, and then acted as if nothing happened, completely brushing off the conversation the next day. This scenario highlights the difficulty in reconciling when trust has been completely shattered.
The Concept of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is for you. It is a process of healing and releasing the emotional burden that keeps you in a state of pain and mistrust. In my recovery journey, I learned that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not make the hurt and betrayal go away. It simply means that you are choosing to let go of the anger and resentment that these negative actions have caused.
Why Forgiveness Matters
Carrying the hurt and anger around only harms you. It prevents you from moving forward and living your life fully. You do not have to be in a relationship with someone who has hurt you, and being an alcoholic is not an excuse for bad behavior. You can choose to forgive and move on, wishing them well while maintaining your own integrity.
The Importance of Trust and Honesty
Intimacy in relationships, whether personal or romantic, is built on trust and respect. The person who hurt you must acknowledge and take responsibility for their actions. They must show genuine remorse and demonstrate through their actions that they are committed to making amends. Only then can reconciliation truly take place.
Empowering Yourself Through Forgiveness
When you forgive someone, you are not giving them the right to treat you the same way again. If they come to you and express regret, it is on you to decide whether to allow them back into your life. It is essential to communicate your feelings openly and honestly. If they show genuine remorse and make changes, then reconciliation can occur. If not, you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
Final Thoughts
Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing. It is not about forgetting or excusing the hurt; it is about freeing yourself from the emotional weight of the past. By forgiving, you can move forward, loving yourself and setting the stage for healthy and fulfilling relationships.