H1: Finding Joy Amidst Adversity in 2020
H2: My Personal Journey in 2020
Although 2020 was undoubtedly a challenging year for most, there were moments of joy and triumph that marked it as one of the most impactful. For me, the year was filled with significant changes and realizations. My journey began in the summer when I decided to retire after 34 years of dedicated service, including my 53rd birthday. Among the happiest moments of that summer was the day I quit my job, which felt like a Best Saturday I've ever had since the day I paid off the first car I ever bought new. Additionally, the day Joe Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 election was a hopeful moment for countries around the world.
H2: A Transition into Retirement
The decision to retire was not just a personal one but also a result of external factors. Due to the financial impact of the C-19 Virus, my college was forced to eliminate faculty positions, including mine. Although I was originally planning to teach for a few more years, the pandemic accelerated this timeline. The prospect of retiring and having the freedom to explore new opportunities was both daunting and exhilarating. I could not be happier about this transition, as it now allows me to pursue my passions and spend more time with loved ones.
H2: Navigating Health Challenges
Another significant moment in 2020 was my recovery from a hospital stay and rehabilitation in late October. The experience of being hospitalized due to a mild stroke and the subsequent rehabilitation was deeply affecting, especially when considering that I had not been in the same room with my wife since July 3rd. The importance of these moments was not just physical but also emotional and relational. Reconnecting with my wife was a turning point and a moment of great joy.
H2: Reflection and Self-Discovery
As 2020 came to a close, I found myself reflecting on the challenges and opportunities of the year. One particular event that happened towards the end of 2020 and extended into 2021 was a meaningful conversation with my family about the issues I had grown up with. This conversation was profound and gave me insights into the things that affected me deeply. It was suggested that I may have experienced Reactive Attachment Disorder, although I was never physically abused. This realization, along with the experiences of domestic abuse, helped me to understand that the blame and shame I carried was not justified. Growing older has allowed me to separate myself from those negative emotions and to see my family in a new light. The world may indeed be off kilter, but I am happier for it.
H2: Overcoming Insecurities and Building Relationships
One of the biggest takeaways from my journey in 2020 is the realization that my insecurities and lack of close attachments were influenced by a cycle of abuse and manipulation. For years, I blamed my parents for everything that went wrong in my life. However, as I aged, I realized that the blame did not lie with them but with myself. This shift in perspective has been crucial in my personal growth. I have learned to mask and suppress my reactive tendencies, and I now see my significant other as a miracle. While I still struggle with forming close friendships in my country, the fact that I have a partner who cares for me is a source of immense joy.
H2: Conclusion
2020 was an awful year for many, but it has also been a year of transformation and growth. The challenges and experiences of the past year have helped me to understand and accept myself in a whole new way. While there is still work to be done, the progress I have made in dealing with my insecurities and building stronger relationships is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Continuing on this path of self-discovery, I am hopeful that I will achieve great things and that there is a way out of the mess that was me.