Exploring My Faith: A Journey Through Religion and Belief
When asked about one's faith or religion, it is often a deeply personal and complex topic. For me, the journey of my belief has been a winding path, filled with moments of clarity and periods of doubt. Here, I share my thoughts and experiences to paint a picture of a personal religious odyssey.
From Childhood to Teenage Hesitation
As a child, I was a Christian. Prayer to God was a regular part of my routine. However, by the time I entered my teenage years, my faith began to wane. Organized religion lost its allure, yet something about the concept of God persisted in my heart. These moments of prayer, though occasional, provided solace and peace.
The Complexity of the Bible
I have read the Bible from cover to cover, and even twice, during my childhood. Unfortunately, my experience with it was not entirely positive. The stark imagery and harsh actions attributed to God in the Old Testament made me question many of the ideals it presented. I do not believe in the God of the Bible, Torah, or the Quran. To me, the idea of a perfect, all-good God is incompatible with human-like traits such as jealousy or anger. These qualities lessen the grandeur and integrity of God, in my view.
The Removal of Human Attributes
Judging God based on the actions and descriptions in the Bible feels counterintuitive. To me, the God I once believed in is removed from the character presented in the scriptures. Over the years, I had to detach my personal concept of God from the religious doctrine. God is much too valuable to me to be thought of as vengeful, angry, or jealous. These emotions diminish His divine status.
Modern Sensibilities and Biblical Teachings
Modern sensibilities challenge some of the ideas presented in the Bible. The concept of a chosen few versus the rest of humanity, and the punishments for those who deviate, fail to align with ethical standards I hold today. The idea of eternal damnation for those who have made mistakes is particularly problematic. It goes against the benevolent image I have of a higher power.
A New Understanding of God
Through these reflections, I came to see the God of my childhood as a character—specifically, a character created by humans. The Bible, rich with human feelings and biases, is a man-made construct. The God I now conceptualize is not defined by these human attributes but by a more complex and multifaceted being, detached from the harsh realities depicted in the text.
A Personal Connection
I consider myself a 'retired Christian,' a term coined by the late great actor Peter O’Toole. The term reflects someone who has grown disillusioned with organized religion but still maintains an attachment to the divine. My views are not fixed but fluid, shifting between moments of profound faith and times of skepticism. The act of believing for me is a personal choice, a choice that I sometimes need to reaffirm in my daily life.
Conclusion
Beyond the traditional frameworks of organized religion, my faith is a personal journey filled with contemplation and reflection. It is a dynamic process that continues to shape my understanding of the world and my place in it. This exploration is not about finding a definitive answer but about embracing the uncertainties and complexities of belief.