Should You Live Apart from Your Partner?

Deciding whether to live in a different country from your partner is a complex and personal decision. It requires careful consideration of your individual circumstances and aspirations. Before you make such a significant life change, ask yourself:

1. Do you have a stable situation? Ensure that you are firmly established in your current location and can comfortably manage your life there. This includes your career, finances, and social connections.

2. Can you establish yourself in the new location? Research the opportunities available in the new country to confirm that you can support yourself and maintain your independence.

3. Is he in an interesting place? Consider his reasons for wanting to move and evaluate whether the destination is truly appealing for both of you. Assess the cultural, economic, and social aspects of the new country.

These preliminary questions can help you determine if the move is a wise decision and should also guide your subsequent actions.

Manipulative Strategies: What Not to Do

Sometimes, partners might engage in manipulative tactics to achieve their goals, especially when it comes to relocating. One such approach is the "threaten divorce" method, which entails making exaggerated statements to coerce the other partner. However, this is not a healthy or effective way to resolve conflicts or convince someone to move.

Another strategy involves using a globe or map to illustrate boundaries, implying that each partner should stay within their own cultural or national 'shape.' This tactic, while potentially symbolic, can be seen as insensitive and manipulative. It is important to treat your partner as an individual with desires and aspirations that may or may not align with your own.

It is also crucial to recognize the role each partner plays in the relationship. While it is essential to address mutual happiness, both parties should take responsibility for contributing to a harmonious relationship. Leading by manipulation, rather than mutual understanding and compromise, can have detrimental effects on the partnership.

Pressuring your partner into doing more housework, earning more money, or performing other favors to 'dig themselves out of a hole' is a form of manipulation. Additionally, withholding affection and responding harshly to everything they say are demeaning and harmful. These tactics can strain the relationship and lead to resentment.

The advice to keep your partner's hope alive by seemingly withdrawing and returning your affection only when they think they have 'redeemed' themselves is a risky and unhealthy approach. It creates an unhealthy cycle of dependency and insecurity. True mutual respect and understanding should be the foundation of a relationship, not power dynamics and manipulation.

Professional Help

Taking such drastic and emotionally damaging measures can be a sign of underlying issues. It is crucial to seek professional help, whether in the form of therapy or counseling, to address these concerns. A psychiatrist or relationship therapist can provide valuable insights and strategies to improve communication and build a healthier relationship.

Ultimately, the goal should be to create a partnership based on mutual respect, open communication, and shared values. Living apart should only be considered when the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, and both partners are fully supportive of the decision.

Conclusion: While it is important to consider living apart when necessary, manipulation and unhealthy tactics can harm your relationship. Seek professional help and focus on building a strong, supportive partnership.