Do Parents of Autistic Children Ever Regret Their Decision?
Every parent desires a perfect child, one without pain, distress, or depression, with friends, two legs, arms, and a full spectrum of senses. Unfortunately, not every parent is fortunate enough to receive exactly what they wish for, and we must accept the family we are dealt. For parents of autistic children, this acceptance is oftentimes a daunting task.
Understanding that their child may never achieve the same level of success or happiness as their neurotypical siblings is a reality that many parents struggle with. Furthermore, the developmental delays and challenges that come with autism can limit social interactions and career opportunities. Days may pass when the concern of their child’s wellbeing consumes them, making them question their decision to bring a child into the world.
I, as a parent of an autistic son, do indeed regret my choice at times. Like many others, I am just human, and all parents hope for the best for their children. However, when life’s disappointments accumulate, the focus shifts from achievement to providing a happy life, regardless of the difficulties that arise.
The Decision to Parent a Child with Special Needs
Anyone contemplating the possibility of regretting parenthood with a child who has special needs should strongly reconsider having children altogether. Life is filled with uncertainties, and it’s impossible to predict all the challenges one might face. Even if a child is born seemingly healthy, unforeseen accidents or traumas can lead to disability, emotional wounds, or mental health issues such as schizophrenia or sociopathy.
Unfortunately, some parents may become disillusioned with the reality of their child’s life. Embracing the truth that they might not always feel joy or triumph in their child’s achievements can be a difficult pill to swallow. For those who doubt they can continue to love and rejoice in having a child, no matter their condition, it may be wise to refrain from having offspring.
A Life Affirming Journey: My Son, Autism, and Unconditional Love
My son is on the autism spectrum, but he is “high functioning,” requiring more conscientious parenting than my neurotypical (NT) son. Despite this additional challenge, I am grateful for his presence. He has made me a better, stronger, and more patient person. The experience of unconditional love is irreplaceable, and I cherish every moment with him.
As a parent, sometimes it's helpful to revisit the sentiment of Robert Frost's poem, “Hyla Brook,” in which he writes, “We love the things we love for what they are.” This phrase resonates deeply with the reality of raising a child with autism. We must love our children for who they are, not for who we wish they would become.
Empathy and Acceptance
To those who openly express remorse for having children, I offer no judgment. Hindsight is 20/20, and the vulnerability necessary to acknowledge one's doubts can be courageously brave. I commend your strength and bravery, and I hope to see you find the necessary support and encouragement to keep you going.
Ultimately, the decision to become a parent should be weighed carefully, but once made, it's essential to focus on the present and strive to provide the best possible life for our children, understanding that every child is a unique and irreplaceable gift, regardless of their challenges.