Do Children of Narcissists Often Avoid Becoming Narcissists Themselves?
It is a common misconception that children of narcissistic parents will inevitably follow in their parents' footsteps. However, research and personal experiences suggest that many children of narcissists do not become narcissists themselves. This article will explore the reasons behind this, focusing on the characteristics of different roles assigned to children in such families and the impact on adult behavior.
Understanding Scapegoats
Children who become scapegoats in a family with a narcissistic parent often hate narcissism. They are the truth-seekers and cannot stand when others are trying to be fake. They have faced grave injustices in their upbringing, so they are the ones who will speak up and take action against injustice. These children hated the role assigned to them and have a strong desire to become loving parents as they understand the struggles of being short-changed.
Other Roles in Dysfunctional Families
Some children are assigned roles such as Slave, Scapegoat, Lost Child, Clown, Peacemaker, Flying Monkeys, Tattletales, Spies, and Golden Children. These roles are stress-filled, robbing children of a normal childhood. When these children become adults, some will have a hatred for the dysfunctional environment they survived. They may go to any lengths to ensure their families do not suffer the same fate. However, those who adopt roles like Flying Monkeys, Tattletales, and Golden Children can become more likely to become narcissists, perpetuating the dysfunctional system within their own families.
Challenges and Resilience in Idols
Not all children idolize their abusive narcissist parents. The social norm is often to do so, but by adolescence, some children begin to realize that they received very little attention and warmth from their parents. This realization can lead to resentment towards their narcissistic mothers, who may have been self-centered and showed grandiose behavior. As they mature, children can develop good analytical thinking skills and recognize their mother's behavior as off. They may become mistrustful of their mother and even begin to resent her, especially if they realize that praise has been hollow and not backed by actions.
The Path to Non-Narcissism
For some children, an epiphany occurs where they realize that all the attention given to them by their mothers was fake and phony. They may have been told repeatedly that they are special and superior to others, but now they see that the praise seemed hollow and not supported by their mother's actions. This realization can foster real resentment towards their mother and lead them to become more withdrawn, avoiding narcissistic behavior altogether.
Keywords: narcissists, children, avoidance
Understanding the journey of children of narcissists and how they navigate their experiences is crucial for breaking the cycle of narcissism. It's important to recognize that not all children of narcissistic parents will become narcissists themselves, and many find ways to break free from their upbringing and build healthier lives.