Dealing with a Mother Who Doesn't Show Affection

It's a common struggle for many individuals to deal with a parent who doesn't show affection or love. In my case, my mother was never someone who showed any real warmth towards me or others. She could be cold and unapproachable, and sometimes her actions bordered on disdainful. This is a situation that requires introspection and proactive steps to protect oneself emotionally and mentally.

Understanding the Reasons

There could be several reasons why your mother might not show affection. It could be due to her personality, which might be naturally reserved, or it could be due to underlying mental health issues. Self-reflection is the first step in understanding the dynamics of your relationship and determining the best course of action.

Do Not Strive for False Affection: It's unwise to exhaust yourself trying to get love from someone who shows little or no genuine affection. Instead, focus on protecting your emotional well-being by finding ways to set boundaries and seek support from other sources.

Communication and Inquiry

If you feel that your mother's behavior stems from a disregard for you, it's essential to communicate with her. However, it's not advisable to try to change her. Instead, ask her why she treats you the way she does and express how her actions make you feel. This can be a difficult conversation, but it can also provide clarity and help you understand her perspective.

One Instance Where She Lost Her Temper: There was one particular incident where my mom got upset because I was using nail polish remover in the living room while watching Chucky. I didn't want to miss any scenes and proceeded to do it in the living room. My mom threw a shoe at me and embarrassed me in front of my grandma, who had come upstairs to give us food. I tried to joke it off, but before I knew it, she was following me into my room.

My father, who was surprised by the situation, used his hands to cover his forehead. My mom then hit me, leading me to cry in the bathroom. My father hugged me, but my mom came in and smashed my favorite nail polish set, which I had brought home from another city. She stained my white sink and walls and told me to put on nail polish right then. I stood there, heartbroken, not knowing what to say. She never apologized, and it broke my heart to see my nail polish stained, something I had always rather kept hidden.

Dealing With Emotional Trauma

Mental Health Impact: Dealing with such an emotional situation alone can lead to profound emotional trauma, including depression. It's important to recognize that your emotional well-being is just as critical as any other aspect of your life. If you're struggling with depression or other mental health issues, it's crucial to seek professional help and support networks.

Building Support Systems: While your relationship with your mom might feel strained, remember that you have your dad for support. Having someone who loves you unconditionally, even if communication is limited, can provide a sense of stability and comfort during challenging times. Surrounding yourself with friends who support you can also be incredibly beneficial.

Living With It

Learn to Acceptance: Learning to live with the situation might be the only way forward if you cannot change your mother's behavior. Setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your mental and emotional health is vital. However, this does not mean you should accept harmful treatment or neglect. Instead, find ways to protect yourself and seek support when needed.

Communication and setting boundaries can be difficult, but they are essential in maintaining your mental and emotional well-being. Seek help from professionals and support networks to navigate these challenges. Remember, your happiness and well-being are the most important."