Dealing with Constant Threats from the Mafia: A Personal Account
Living under the constant threat of the mafia can be one of the most miserable experiences one may ever face. The thought of it happening to you may seem inconceivable. I, a news cameraman, have had to navigate such an environment for years, which has profoundly affected my life and well-being.
A False Allegation and A Lie
The original reason the mafia thought they had to come after me was nothing more than a lie told by one of their own drug dealers. My grandfather may have been a mobster, but my father deliberately steered clear of such a life. The FBI, which I still have the undercover protection from, should have long resolved the matter. Yet, the situation persists, bringing me to the brink of despair every day.
The Desperation for Normalcy
Many days, the situation fills me with rage. On some days, I simply cannot face the outside world. Every step I take is a risk, and the fear of coming across undercover brats or a mafia soldier haunts me. I can no longer shop, walk freely, or even traverse my surroundings without the constant vigilance required to protect myself. I barely remember what it was like to be a nobody, to enjoy simple freedoms without fear. I yearn for the days when I could just be a nobody, with no one watching my every move or following me.
Psychological Impact
The psychological impact of living under such circumstances is the cruelest form of torment. It's not the threat of physical harm, for which the protection is effective. I am not physically harmed by the mafia, but the constant surveillance, the presence of others watching my every move, the ever-present fear, and the psychological abuse from the undercover agents are what truly hurt. The loss of my privacy and the understanding of what it means to just be a nobody on this planet is a daily reminder of my reality.
A Sudden Turn of Events
The situation in my life once took a unexpected turn. I was a news cameraman providing coverage of the murder of John Gotti's driver in his driveway. The scene was tense; my colleagues were clearly agitated. I turned off my recording device while documenting the body being loaded onto an ambulance. The police requested I leave the scene due to the perceived risk. However, the footage went viral, and I was assigned to cover the funeral of the murdered driver.
The funeral was one of the most significant in New York City, but despite my anxiety about being recognized, the sheer number of attendees and media coverage provided a level of security. It was a stark reminder that, despite the danger, life and the law continue to operate.
Living with the constant threat of the mafia means more than just the risk of physical harm. It means navigating the psychological toll of surveillance, the loss of privacy, and the daily struggle to maintain a semblance of normalcy in an abnormal world. The hope is that one day, I can return to a simpler life, where I can walk freely and be just a nobody again.