How Common is it for a Birth Parent to Keep in Contact with an Adopted Child?

The frequency of contact between birth parents and adopted children varies widely and depends on several factors, including the type of adoption and individual circumstances. This article explores the different types of adoptions, their implications, and the emotional impact on both the birth parents and the adopted children.

Types of Adoptions

Adoption can be characterized into three main categories: open adoption, semi-open adoption, and closed adoption. Each type has its unique characteristics and implications for the level of contact between birth parents and adopted children.

1. Open Adoption

In open adoptions, there is a mutual agreement between the birth parents and adoptive parents to maintain contact. This can include regular updates, visits, or communication through letters, emails, or even online platforms. Open adoptions are becoming more common and have been found to benefit all parties involved. These arrangements help in addressing the trauma of separation that adopted children may experience, and also provide emotional support to birth parents who may feel the grief of giving up their child.

2. Semi-Open Adoption

This type of adoption allows for some communication, typically through a third party like an adoption agency. Birth parents may receive updates or photos, but direct contact is limited. Semi-open adoptions can strike a balance between maintaining emotional connections without overwhelming either party. These arrangements are useful when direct contact is not feasible or desired, but regular updates and information sharing are important.

3. Closed Adoption

In closed adoptions, there is no contact or communication between birth parents and adoptive families. While this was once more common, many jurisdictions have moved towards more open arrangements to better support all parties involved. Closed adoptions can be challenging for both birth parents and adopted children due to the lack of ongoing communication. However, the emotional readiness of the birth parents and the desires of adoptive parents play a crucial role in determining the level of contact regardless of the type of adoption.

Individual Circumstances and Adoption Trauma

The level of contact between birth parents and adopted children can also depend on several factors, including the emotional readiness of the birth parents, the desires of the adoptive parents, and the age of the child. Children, regardless of their age when they are adopted, may experience adoption trauma. This trauma is often associated with older children but can also affect infants and newborns, as separation from their natural families can be traumatic. The trauma can manifest later in life, particularly in teenage or young adult years.

Case Studies: My Experience with Open Adoptions

As someone with firsthand experience with open adoptions, I understand the complexities and benefits of such arrangements. I have three adopted children, each from different foster care backgrounds, and they were adopted at different ages: a newborn, a 4-year-old, and a 2.5-year-old. All three have experienced adoption trauma to varying degrees, and it is a challenge they continue to navigate.

Two of my children have regular contact with members of their bio families, and this has been beneficial to them. My oldest daughter had a complicated relationship with her birth mother, who struggled with addiction and mental illness. After the birth mother passed away at age 7, we maintained a relationship with her grandmother and aunt, who provided emotional support. My middle son has frequent contact with his bio mother, receives regular updates, and even does video calls with her. His bio father, on the other hand, has no contact, which is his choice. My youngest daughter, whose bio mother died, and whose bio father is unknown, does not have any contact with her bio family.

My adopted children attend therapy with a therapist who specializes in adoption trauma. Although my biological children also attend some therapy sessions, they understand the unique experiences of their adopted siblings and can better empathize with their feelings and challenges.

Conclusion

While open and semi-open adoptions are becoming more prevalent, the specifics of each case can vary significantly. The emotional impact of adoption and the level of contact between birth parents and adopted children are complex issues that require careful consideration and support. Whether the contact is frequent or infrequent, the emotional well-being of all parties involved is crucial for a healthy and fulfilling adoption journey.