Choosing Independence: The Personal Decision to Have or Not Have Children

When you reach a certain age, societal and peer expectations can often push you into a decision you may not be ready for. This is especially true when it comes to having children. Does wanting to be a parent mean that I am missing something, or is the decision to wait a personal one that should be made carefully? In this article, we will explore the complexities of the decision to have children and how to make an informed and intentional choice.

Is the Pressure Valid?

Feeling like you are missing out on something can be a form of Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). However, is FOMO a good enough reason to bring another human into being? Life is full of choices, and each choice comes with its own set of costs and benefits. These costs and benefits are often referred to as opportunity costs.

The decision to have children is one of the most significant life decisions you can make. It involves not only immediate financial, physical, and emotional commitments but also long-term ones. Not everyone is meant to be a parent, and not everyone should be. According to a report, over 700,000 children were victims of abuse in the United States alone in 2021. This underscores the importance of making an intentional decision about parenting.

Individual Circumstances Matter

Life is full of choices and circumstances that shape our decisions. Some individuals might feel that they are missing something by not having children, while others might see their independence and freedom as something to be cherished. For those with a good job, like myself, who travel a lot, and who value independence, the decision to have children may not align with their lifestyle goals.

Single males, for instance, might find it more challenging to handle children until a certain age. This can make the decision about having children more complex. However, the decision should not be solely based on others' expectations. The key is to make a choice that aligns with your personal values and lifestyle.

Exploring Personal Choices

Choosing to have children is a deeply personal decision that should be made carefully. Whether you decide to have children the conventional way through marriage or choose adoption, the decision should be grounded in your unique circumstances and desires. Single males might find it difficult to take on the responsibilities of a child before they are ready. In such cases, adopting a child or being a single parent can be a viable option.

I myself have considered a single mom and her child as a potential option. The joy and love a child can bring are indescribable, and being a parent to someone else can be a rewarding experience. However, the choice ultimately lies with the individual and their personal journey.

Balancing Independence and Partnership

If you have achieved independence within the last few years, it is understandable why you might want to maintain it and enjoy it. However, if you have been independent for a long time, you might want to explore the benefits of being in a relationship. Being in a partnership can bring new experiences and feelings that might influence your decision to have children or not.

Furthermore, if you do decide to have a child, you do not necessarily need a partner, but you will need the financial and emotional support from those around you. The topic of having a child is not just about the child but also about the quality of life you want to provide to them.

Age can also be a factor. While there are risks associated with having children later in life, it is not something to panic about. Enjoy your life as it is and consider what might be missing. Once you make a decision, you need to see it through. It is also important to consider your mental health. Most people do not regret having children, but can you afford the commitment even mentally?

Reflection and Future Planning

Consider making a few single friends without children and see if you feel more comfortable with that category. It is completely normal to feel like you are missing something, but it isn't for everyone. Do not feel pressured to make decisions that you are not ready for or comfortable with. Life is a journey, and whatever will be will be.

We can envy those who have children and those who choose to be child-free. However, ultimately, think about your values. Not wanting to start a family does not make you a bad person. Whether you have kids or not, you will be judged. The key is to go with your values and decide if you are okay with not having a child as you get older. Only you can decide what is right for you, and it is a decision that should be made with intention and care.

Some people may feel a need to make this decision alone, but ultimately, it is one of those things that either happens or it does not in this modern age. It is a decision that should be made based on personal values and circumstances, not societal pressure.