Introduction

Every child has experiences that they thought were normal but, in retrospect, may not have been. This article explores various childhood experiences and the realizations that come with them, examining the impact of societal norms and personal expectations on our development.

Not Feeling Hungry: A Reflection on Capitalism

One of the things I used to think was fine as a child was not feeling hungry. I genuinely believed that there was a normal range of feeling full or experiencing hunger. However, now I understand that this belief was influenced by capitalism and the pervasive notion of individualism and consumerism.

The truth is, there is enough food to feed the world, yet countless individuals still suffer from malnutrition. This stark contrast between abundance and poverty highlights the flaws in the economic system. Our society often emphasizes individual responsibility over communal well-being, leading to the normalization of individual suffering.

Speaking Truth to Authority

During my younger years, I was taught to speak the truth, regardless of the context or the person's age or gender. I would often challenge my father’s decisions, which I now realize was not entirely within the norm. As an adult, I recognize that while honesty is a valuable trait, it should also be balanced with respect and consideration for others.

Playing RIVEN: The Sequel To MYST

Another activity I engaged in as a child that seemed normal was playing RIVEN: The Sequel To MYST. This puzzle-solving adventure game, designed for adults and teenagers, actually created a cognitive challenge that was beyond the capabilities of a 4-year-old. I picked up the game when I was very young and spent a significant amount of time trying to solve its puzzles. The game required careful note-taking, which most children, especially at that age, would find overwhelming.

To me, at the time, it was a challenge, and I felt a sense of accomplishment when I eventually completed the game. However, in hindsight, I realize that it may have been too difficult for a child of my age, and the gameplay was more suited for older children or adults with better cognitive development.

The Devastating Impact of PTSD

My mother's experience with PTSD profoundly influenced my own understanding of what is normal. During her youth, she experienced a traumatic kidnapping that left lasting emotional scars. By the time she fell into PTSD, during the late 1960s and early 1970s, the medical community was still in the early stages of understanding this condition. My mother underwent numerous treatments, many of which were ineffective and even harmful.

As the eldest child, I carried much of the household responsibilities, often without recognition or gratitude from my father. My older brother enjoyed a more privileged life, while I was increasingly burdened with caregiving responsibilities. This early exposure to trauma and the attendant pressures likely contributed to my own struggles with PTSD and the need to caretake even into adulthood.

Living with the Legacy of Trauma

The early experiences of caregiving and the emotional fallout continue to influence my life today. I now understand the importance of recognizing and addressing the needs of others, but also the necessity of seeking help for my own emotional well-being. The struggles of my family members, who continue to live with past traumas, highlight the long-lasting effects of such experiences. My siblings, who also suffer from similar conditions, exemplify the patterns of behavior that were established during our formative years.

Despite the many challenges, I have learned to recognize the signs of distress in myself and others. This newfound awareness has allowed me to support my loved ones more effectively, even as I continue to grapple with the emotional weight of past experiences.

Conclusion

Our childhood experiences, though seemingly normal at the time, often reveal the underlying dynamics of society and personal development. Whether it's the impact of economic systems, the pressures of family expectations, or the challenges of mental health, understanding these experiences can help us navigate the complexities of life with greater awareness and compassion.

Through reflection and self-awareness, we can reframe our past experiences and work towards a more balanced and healthy future. The realization that certain behaviors or experiences may not have been normal can be a powerful catalyst for change, both for ourselves and for those around us.