Ayahuasca and C-PTSD: A Dual Journey of Healing and Caution
The decision to experience ayahuasca for the treatment of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is a complex and fraught one. I will share my personal experience to provide a detailed account of the potential benefits and significant challenges that come with this journey.
Introduction
Ayahuasca, an entheogenic brew with a rich history in indigenous healing practices, has gained popularity as a tool for healing various mental health conditions, including C-PTSD. However, it is important to approach it with a nuanced understanding of its potential impact and risks.
A Personal Experience
Initial Encouragement and Uncertainty: My journey with ayahuasca began with initial encouragement from well-known authors and therapists who revered its healing potential. However, being unaware of the depth of my C-PTSD and lacking a grounding practice or spiritual lineage, I was unprepared for the intense emotional and psychological revelations that were to come.
First Night of Ceremonies: Cleansing and Awakening
On the first night of the ceremony, I experienced a cleansing process that included vivid visuals and a silent presence that stayed with me throughout the night. This was a crucial phase that allowed me to begin the process of inner work, although the second night would prove significantly more challenging.
Second Night: An Intense and Disturbing Experience
During the second night, the intensity of the experience was overwhelming. I entered a state of hyperarousal, experiencing fear, anxiety, and a profound sense of panic. The emotions that surfaced were a mix of toxic shame and dark, painful feelings, accompanied by physical symptoms such as shaking, sweating, and difficulty breathing.
The intense fear I felt was unlike any other I had experienced in my waking life. It was a primal, instinctive fear that seemed to come from a place of raw survival. This state lasted for approximately six hours and left me deeply affected. When the ceremony ended, I felt a mix of relief and intense relief, as well as an understanding that I needed to tread carefully with such powerful medicine.
The Aftermath: A Two-Year Journey of Unwellness
Following the ceremony, I entered a state of profound mental unwellness. Over the next two years, I experienced a series of unpredictable and debilitating symptoms, including severe anxiety, depression, and physical sensations of burning and shaking. This period was marked by a significant destabilization of my mental health, leading me to consider suicide.
The experience was harrowing, with symptoms such as tinnitus, hyperacusis, hallucinations, and an intense pressure in the head. Despite the severity of my condition, I received inconsistent and often ineffective treatments from various mental health professionals. It was only around the 1.5-year mark that a respected French doctor in Peru provided a framework for understanding and healing my experience.
Healing and Recommendation
The journey to recovery was long and arduous. However, with the guidance of the French doctor and a new approach to healing through traditional practices, I slowly began to recover. Today, I am functioning at a normal level, albeit with some lingering experiences from the period of destabilization.
My story serves as a cautionary tale for those considering ayahuasca as a treatment for C-PTSD. It is crucial to approach such experiences with a strong foundation in healing practices, emotional resilience, and a clear awareness of one's mental health condition.
While there are individuals who find healing through these experiences, it is important to acknowledge the potential risks and the need for a careful and protective environment. The right set and setting, as well as a strong foundation, are key to ensuring a safer and more effective journey.
In conclusion, ayahuasca can be a powerful tool for healing, but it must be approached with caution and mindfulness. Let this experience serve as a reminder to consider all factors before embarking on such a journey.